What about a Fresh Approach to Communication

Have you ever noticed how often we use the word “you” in our conversations? It’s almost like a reflex. “You should do this,” “You did that,” “Why don’t you try this?” While these statements might seem harmless, they can sometimes come across as accusatory or judgmental, even when we don’t mean them to be. Let’s explore how we can shift our language to be more inclusive and supportive, fostering better understanding and connection.

As I mentioned in my last article, “Whose Assumptions, Expectations and Opinions?” we often express our expectations without thinking. Why are “they” doing something different than my expectations? Even when it is an assigned event with a deadline, the way we approach the person responsible for the event makes a huge difference in Unity and teamwork.

When we start sentences with “you,” the person we are talking to or with can feel like we are blaming them or pointing fingers. Imagine someone saying, “You didn’t finish the report on time.” It’s easy to feel defensive, right? The word “you” can make us feel like we’re under scrutiny, even if the intention behind the statement is compassionate. This kind of language creates barriers in our communication, making it harder for us to connect and collaborate effectively.

Also, the report may have been late based on the initial deadline but there could be understood circumstances that justified any event lateness that the other person did not know or evaluate!

In addition, we can also feel that our “you” is justified, while we feel another person’s “you” is not justified. We may feel we know “them” better than they know “us.”

Can we shift the focus? 

What if we tried to reframe our statements? Instead of saying, “You didn’t finish the report on time,” we could say, “According to the information I received or our last conversation, the report wasn’t finished on time. Can you help me with what happened?” This small change shifts the focus from blaming to understanding. It opens up a dialogue rather than shutting it down. By removing “you,” we create space for empathy and collaboration.

Another powerful tool in our communication toolbox is asking questions. Instead of making statements that might be perceived as critical, we can ask questions that invite discussion. For example, instead of saying, “You should try doing it this way,” we could ask, “Have we considered trying other options?” This approach softens our language and encourages others to share their thoughts and ideas.

There is also the power of “we.” Using “we” instead of “you” can transform our conversations. It fosters a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility. For instance, saying, “We need to improve our process,” feels more inclusive than, “You need to improve your process.” It’s a subtle shift, and it can significantly affect how our words are received.

Here are a few Practical Tips for Better Communication

1. Reframe Statements: Try to rephrase statements that start with “you” to focus on the actions, options or situation instead.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage dialogue by asking questions that invite others to share their perspectives.
3. Use Inclusive Language: Incorporate “we” and “us” to create a shared purpose and collaboration.
4. Be Mindful of Tone: Our tone can convey as much meaning as our words. Aim for a kind and supportive tone.

A Call to Action

Since we are starting a new year, as we Strive to Thrive 2025, let us consciously challenge ourselves to be more mindful of our language. The next time we say “you,” let’s pause and consider whether there’s a better way to phrase our thoughts. By making these small changes, we can create a more positive and supportive environment for everyone. Let our "You" be the "U" in Unity!

In conclusion, getting the “you” out of our conversations isn’t about avoiding the word entirely. It’s about awareness of how language affects others and making conscious choices to communicate more effectively. Let’s build a culture of understanding and collaboration, one conversation at a time, one reality at a time.

By Achieving Unity, we can move beyond "you" and strengthen our communication as we build a more Unified Reality and a shared vision of Unity and success.

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I am excited to connect with you through coaching, keynote speeches, podcasts, and the Achieving Unity Webinar in January! Thank you for choosing the communication channel that suits you best. Let us start this journey together. 

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