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AMY SCHOEN: Not seeing me.
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Mark Entrekin: In a minute they will.
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AMY SCHOEN: Okay, my quicksuit.
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Mark Entrekin: Hello everyone. This is mark intricate. And we are in the weekly achieving unity, success, podcast. We want to be able to achieve unity, all around. And what unity means is our ability to work side by side in families.
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Mark Entrekin: socially and at the office. That's what we're working on day by day, as you see on the screen right now. If you want to go to a get a copy of my Newsletter, it comes out on the 1st and 3rd Thursdays of each month. Just go to market.com forward, slash! Sign up dash Newsletter, love to have you on the list.
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Mark Entrekin: creating solutions, one reality at a time. Isn't that what we need in this world? I think so. It's what we need to build and grow to help each other. We can transform our world today in reality, focused dynamics. We work in multiple areas. One of them is achieving unity through encouragement, inspiration and inclusion.
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Mark Entrekin: What I can do is help you through the company. Start making your world a better place today with my professional speaking engagements, focus on keynotes or achieving unity by harnessing that power of
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Mark Entrekin: encouraging, inspiring, including others who doesn't like to be complimented.
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Mark Entrekin: who doesn't like to be given credit, the things that they do. That's how we can begin and continue achieving unity day by day.
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Mark Entrekin: Community success formula. That's again, today's podcast we are on weekly, we're now on Wednesdays, in 2024, we're on Thursdays building a new base because we're having our courses start on Thursday and our 1st store. Our 1st course starts on February 6.th So please get in contact with me. And I could tell you more.
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Mark Entrekin: The podcast will now be every Wednesday, one Pm. Pacific time, 4 Pm. Eastern time.
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Mark Entrekin: reality, focus, dynamics delivers success. Focused solutions.
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Mark Entrekin: Please contact us today for more information on using agile and lean outside of software. If you're not an engineer, if you're not working in it. You may not know quite what that means, but agile is the ability
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Mark Entrekin: for each of us to create and respond to changes and improvements in life and at the office. It enables success in uncertain and possibly struggling environments by emphasizing adaptability through better collaboration and communication.
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Mark Entrekin: Lean is a methodology focused on maximizing value by minimizing waste and optimizing your processes through continuous improvement.
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Mark Entrekin: effectiveness, and efficiency.
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Mark Entrekin: The philosophy can be used in every discipline, in every vertical, including our homes
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Mark Entrekin: connect with me, and I'll show you how to break all issues, products and services down from the most complex projects.
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Mark Entrekin: coast complex business projects, including rocket science. As I have worked for NASA and Boeing
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Mark Entrekin: to the basic steps of training our teenagers. Sometimes they feel like rockets, too. Don't they
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Mark Entrekin: think of busy mornings at a family breakfast everywhere has everyone has somewhere to go
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Mark Entrekin: from work to school to many other events, different locations.
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Mark Entrekin: We thought about having a family stand up, meeting each evening, during which everyone shares their task for the next day
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Mark Entrekin: places sticky notes on the fridge with chores and responsibilities, and each person can move their sticky note from to do to done when it's complete.
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Mark Entrekin: You could even create a breakfast station with pre-portioned ingredients and a weekly meal plan to minimize that decision, fatigue that was sometimes that we go through.
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Mark Entrekin: reduce time, spent searching for items, and can help everyone participate in a smoother and more efficient process
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Mark Entrekin: to achieving unity through encouragement.
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Mark Entrekin: inspiration, and inclusion. That's what you're talking about today, and my special guest minute will give us a great great presentation on the relationships. Part of this.
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Mark Entrekin: because encouragement can be the powerful force that fuels the core of empowerment.
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Mark Entrekin: encourage others to help accomplish their task, including their family task, their love life, the family.
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Mark Entrekin: inspire each other to achieve every goal.
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Mark Entrekin: Personally and professionally. Unity makes us all a successful team, no matter where we are. No matter what we're doing.
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Mark Entrekin: we can include others and celebrate every victory, both personally
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Mark Entrekin: and professionally. Together. We can overcome any and every challenge that comes before us.
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Mark Entrekin: Are you facing relationship challenges? Maybe parenting difficulties? Are you or someone, you know, struggling with a relationship issue or parenting an issue as a divorced or divorcing parent
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Mark Entrekin: transform frustration into understanding with what the frustration?
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Mark Entrekin: Where is the value in our actions?
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Mark Entrekin: We must all realize that anger holds no value.
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Mark Entrekin: Anger is just actions not gaining effective results. A NGER. Anger, actions not gaining effective results.
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Mark Entrekin: Life happens from personal relationships to parenting, time to prenuptial agreements and nuptials are not required. Many of us now are not getting married. Of course Amy's going to tell us shortly better ways to handle that, and to improve that part of our life as well.
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Mark Entrekin: She'll help us embrace and enjoy every moment
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Mark Entrekin: and every challenge that we have together.
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Mark Entrekin: achieving unity through the power of encouraging, inspiring, and including others personally and professionally. If you have your web, if you have your phone there.
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Mark Entrekin: post back, you can go to our website home
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Mark Entrekin: on the left side, that QR code website, contact page on the right side.
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Mark Entrekin: get in contact with me. Let's talk.
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Mark Entrekin: You have kind of issues. You want to talk about personally or professionally. Let's build those. Let's make life better. One step at a time.
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Mark Entrekin: What do we have coming up upcoming? Podcast
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Mark Entrekin: well, next week we have naked leadership, shift our mindset. That's with Carol Metz Murray
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Mark Entrekin: on the 20. Second, we have a family structure, repairment coach Jamie bazell up talking about the repairment coach process.
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Mark Entrekin: what we can do
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Mark Entrekin: empowering men vision for honorable leadership. A Jennifer jell. How many men now aren't quite as gentlemanly as they could be.
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Mark Entrekin: because they're not sure anymore.
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Mark Entrekin: Let's listen to Jennifer. Ever talk to us more about that.
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Mark Entrekin: On February 5th we just had a change moved it to the later, a later date. But I'll have another one for you coming up. So please come back with check back with me, or next week, when you attend, I'll let you know what's coming up on February 5, th
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Mark Entrekin: on February 12.th We have women's motivation
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Mark Entrekin: before, during and after divorce with Marty winter, Adams.
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Mark Entrekin: So please come back each week. Wednesdays, one o'clock. Pacific 4 o'clock. Eastern love to have you here talking with you
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Mark Entrekin: today. Wow! This is amazing. I talked to Amy several times. She is wonderful, she's saying, start 2025 strong with relationship expert Amy Scoen.
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Mark Entrekin: Get ready to make this New year 2025, your best year. Yet
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Mark Entrekin: starting with this very 1st podcast interview.
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Mark Entrekin: featuring, renowned and renowned relationship, coach and life, coach, author, Amy scoen. As Amy is the creator of the motivated to marry dating secrets program coaching program.
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Mark Entrekin: It has helped countless individuals find lasting love and commitment-focused relationships
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Mark Entrekin: with over 20 years as a professional member of the National Speakers Association and the International Coach Federation. Amy is a sought after speaker on business and relationship topics.
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Mark Entrekin: Our website, as you can see, is down the bottom right of the screen, motivated to marry.com.
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Mark Entrekin: Her expertise has been featured in major national media outlets, including the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Cbs radio and ABC. TV, showcasing her impact and benefits what you can do in your relationship.
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Mark Entrekin: Amy is also a prolific author, having penned several books, including
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Mark Entrekin: get it right this time how to find to keep your ideal romantic partner
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Mark Entrekin: motivated to marry. Now there is a better method to dating and relationships.
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Mark Entrekin: and the lighthearted yet insightful, insightful.
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Mark Entrekin: 30 very good reasons not to get married until you are 30.
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Mark Entrekin: You can also find her podcast motivated to marry on apple podcast
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Mark Entrekin: as we kick off 2025. Let me introduce our special guest with practical advice and inspiration relationship, expert Amy scoen.
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AMY SCHOEN: Thank you, Mark. Thanks for having me.
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Mark Entrekin: Oh, my pleasure, Amy, how's your how are you doing today?
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AMY SCHOEN: Oh, great, wonderful! We're having a snowy day, or getting over the snow here in Washington, DC. So they're not used to that kind of weather. So it was. You know, we've learned to navigate this again. It's been a while.
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Mark Entrekin: I know. Aren't we having kind of a snow
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Mark Entrekin: pass across the United States right now? I think everybody's catching a little bit of that cold weather.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah, so anyway. But we're here inside, nice and warm.
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Mark Entrekin: That's right, we're gonna get to enjoy this. But well, tell us more. How did you get into this.
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AMY SCHOEN: Well, I myself went through a divorce in my mid thirties. I was married at 25, and divorced at 36. By the time I went through the legal stuff.
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AMY SCHOEN: and I didn't expect to be in that situation. I always imagined myself to be married with 2.4 kids. You know all that, and I was divorced. I didn't have children in my 1st marriage, and it really was like the heartbreak of my life. I mean, I'm a goal-oriented person, you know. We all have our dreams and hopes.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so here I found myself single, and I had to go through and learn a lot, you know, about myself and what I wanted and what I needed. I actually found a coach when I was 40,
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AMY SCHOEN: and I did everything. I did everything to find somebody. I was motivated to marry and have a family, and I know that's not. You know. I work with a lot of boomers. Now, it's very interesting age group, because the kids are launched and the work is in the background. And they're like, I want to have fun for this part of my life.
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AMY SCHOEN: and it's really fun. I really enjoy helping them as well as the young people. And I've been given a lot of my, actually a high school friend sent me her son. He was in his mid thirties, and all his friends were getting married and having families, and he was feeling left behind. So I work with those kind of groups of people.
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AMY SCHOEN: So I myself was in my at that age group and feeling, you know. Wow! I'm not where I wanted to be. I'm not having the life I wanted to have, and I found a coach, and he was very instrumental in helping me really get my head on straight.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah.
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AMY SCHOEN: what was really important. And so I almost missed my husband. I had met him actually, when I was 36. I wasn't divorced yet, and our timing is very important, and I had to do my work.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so when we met up again I was 41, and he was 40. He was actually 47, and he had never been married. So you know, there's about, you know, one of the dating mistakes is to judge people, you know, without really looking deeper.
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AMY SCHOEN: And and so he was also working on himself. And I really like that about him. You know, we we share that that personal growth value.
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AMY SCHOEN: And and so I actually he got married when I was 42, and he was 46.
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AMY SCHOEN: And then I became the poster child for motivated mother. That's another story for another. Podcast but.
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Mark Entrekin: Okay.
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AMY SCHOEN: Did have. I did have a son and he.
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Mark Entrekin: Congratulations.
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AMY SCHOEN: I had him later in life, and you know it's a challenge, you know, to be, but it's fun, and there's never a dull moment.
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AMY SCHOEN: So people started coming to me and saying, Amy, you know, how did you meet your husband? And and
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AMY SCHOEN: and and I felt unqualified, and at that time I was looking at making a career change. I was in the retail business, and I knew if I wanted to have a family I would have to shift my life
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AMY SCHOEN: to accommodate the family life.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so I actually discovered life coaching, and I really felt like that was a good fit for me. And so I ended up going, getting trained and certified as a professional life coach in the early 2 thousands. And you know the niche found me, you know, and.
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Mark Entrekin: Wow!
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AMY SCHOEN: Oh!
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Mark Entrekin: Great.
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AMY SCHOEN: Doing this ever since, and I've hundreds of successful stories from you know, I would say from 27 to 77, you know.
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AMY SCHOEN: Both men and women. It's never a dull moment. I have a farmer right now. I helped him. He was a single dad. I helped him meet his girlfriend.
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AMY SCHOEN: and you know it's hard. Location's hard. He has to find somebody who's willing to, you know. Go to where he is. He's in Southern Illinois, and then I did so well, he wanted me to help his father, who's in his mid.
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Mark Entrekin: Seventies who's widowed. And he's like, Okay, Dad, it's your turn.
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AMY SCHOEN: He jokes he goes. He has a son who's like 11. He goes, you know. I'm going to send you to my son when he's ready, you know, like, like, yeah, give him more time.
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Mark Entrekin: That is good. That's some great work that you're doing. It's to work from that large of an age group. Also, it's
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Mark Entrekin: very interesting and exciting a lot of ways for some of us that we have been through what you're talking about going through a divorce.
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Mark Entrekin: What is dating like again. We we know what it's like, or.
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AMY SCHOEN: I work with a lot of widowers, too, and that's a totally different mindset. And you know they had. Most of them had good marriages, and you know, really being open to a new person and new experience. And and it's like, you know, what do you want for your life? I love it as a life coach, because it's really like, what do you want for your life today?
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AMY SCHOEN: Where do you see yourself for today? And you know a lot of my clients say, you know what they want a little.
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AMY SCHOEN: They're picking a little differently because their needs have changed. You're not the same, and that's what the 30 don't get married to your 30. You change a lot.
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AMY SCHOEN: and I, you know, at 35 I was totally different than when I got married at 25, and even at 45, or 55, you know, and if you're fortunate you can grow together. But so many of us unfortunately don't. And you know a lot of times the divorces occur, or you know, when the kids go off to college, and you're looking at each other and say, now, what?
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AMY SCHOEN: So? Because I've been in the divorce groups and things in my, in my local area as well.
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AMY SCHOEN: So I learned from my clients, and and I have single, never married, and I had one. You know I have people, 2 ladies in my last. I do group coaching in my last meet your mate this year group who never married in their mid fifties, and now they're both in partnerships.
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AMY SCHOEN: So.
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Mark Entrekin: Fantastic.
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AMY SCHOEN: We can't judge people, you know. That's the hard thing, and I think with the unity is, you know, taking each person on their own merits. Where are you today? What do you want? And are you really ready to take this step, you know? Are you really ready to give yourself to work towards a relationship it takes. It takes a certain kind of energy to to be. I call it, capacity to be in a relationship.
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Mark Entrekin: It does. There's a lot of energy it's involved. And for me it's very strong communication. I
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Mark Entrekin: see a lot of, even in my own relationship, where we're both very giving in the process
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Mark Entrekin: that some of our easy parts can cause things to be hard because it goes to. Where do you want to go? Maybe that the book animal
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Mark Entrekin: the the movie, the doctor of the Disney movie with the birds in the trees is, what do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to? And he goes into.
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AMY SCHOEN: A decision.
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AMY SCHOEN: Somebody does.
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AMY SCHOEN: We talk about roles in relationship. But one person's the planner, like I'm the social director, because I'm more extroverted and my husband's a little more introverted, but he's he's like the doer he like, you know. I give him little like, you know, honeydew things, and in a nice way, and and he's willing to do it. You know he's happy to help out. He feels very like he's
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AMY SCHOEN: providing, you know, he's providing for his family, in a sense. So I'm sure there are times he feels a little bit, you know.
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AMY SCHOEN: not again. But anyway, and I do, too, you know. So we have to be careful of the roles. But what I do is I work really deeply around via values and really understanding which values need to be aligned in a relationship.
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AMY SCHOEN: And when you're looking at whether a relationship and a lot of times, I have, especially men come to me and they're in a relationship. I had a guy come to me, and he was in a relationship for 3 years, like he feels like he has to make a decision. He's in his mid thirties. And and so, you know, I took him through my process, and we identified the value that was kind of like
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AMY SCHOEN: little sticky.
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AMY SCHOEN: and whether he could live with it or not like, is this really a big deal or not? Or could he get this
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AMY SCHOEN: from somebody else in his life.
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AMY SCHOEN: and he likes to be challenged. He likes to, you know, have somebody kind of. He's really highly intelligent, and he loves to be challenged. And this woman is is harmonious. And you know Ying and Yang is actually good in relationship. And so she's like going along. And she's not really challenging him as much, but he gets it from his brother, and he gets it. So you know, it's like
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AMY SCHOEN: I have, you know. Sometimes I save relationships and other times, you know I help them see that this is not going to work.
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AMY SCHOEN: and and you could do all you know. You could be attracted to somebody. But you know, you have to have those core relationship values aligned. And what I see is, people are looking at the wrong things when they're evaluating relationships. And as a coach, we really look at, what are you utilizing to make these decisions? And are they the right
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AMY SCHOEN: things or characteristics or qualities that you need to be happy in a relationship.
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Mark Entrekin: I think that is so true. And I
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Mark Entrekin: so glad you're talking about that on unity.
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Mark Entrekin: how much you're talking about values which I appreciate. Because my domain where's the value?
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Mark Entrekin: How much communication do you talk about in that freedom to talk to each other about anything? Do you.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah. Well, I find out what
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AMY SCHOEN: it works. I hear, like I, the woman who was 55. She says, this is the best relationship I've ever had. I can. I can be myself, and I can talk about anything and not feel judged.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so the thing is, you know, to be open and listening. That's a skill.
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AMY SCHOEN: and to reflect back and make sure that the other person feels heard.
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AMY SCHOEN: and you may not agree with them. I mean there's some. There are some what I call
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AMY SCHOEN: relationship skills that you need.
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AMY SCHOEN: And unfortunately, you know, and and also how to ask for what you need.
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AMY SCHOEN: So when we come from I statements, I feel I need.
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AMY SCHOEN: The other person's willing to lean in and listen. And and most people want to give people what they need
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AMY SCHOEN: most people, if you're not that narcissistic, you know.
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AMY SCHOEN: but you know. But but you know, if you say you don't do this, and you don't do that right. Then, you know, people are putting their their shoulders up, and they're like, you know, I don't need to do anything, lady.
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AMY SCHOEN: so so you know it's how you you.
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Mark Entrekin: Present.
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AMY SCHOEN: And how?
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah things. And are you
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AMY SCHOEN: as like you said, being a team and saying what works best for both of us? Versus, I need this. And I need that. So again, having these relationship skills and having this knowledge of how to be in relationship, what is the teamwork? Because it is a teamwork kind of thing, and and everybody's got to get their basic needs met.
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AMY SCHOEN: And if you don't.
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Mark Entrekin: Agree.
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AMY SCHOEN: Not going to work.
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Mark Entrekin: And sometimes those basic needs come from our culture, don't they? Our learnings through life?
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Mark Entrekin: So my parents did. And what my family did, my close friends did.
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Mark Entrekin: and many times we find a an attachment
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Mark Entrekin: to what we've seen in the past
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Mark Entrekin: again, back to our culture, and we take that forward. But sometimes that culture
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Mark Entrekin: we can improve. We can change some of the things we've thought about before. Can't we.
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AMY SCHOEN: Oh, yeah, well, I mean, a lot of my clients have done a lot of work on themselves already. I find that I do really well with people who've already done some therapy or self-work or an evaluation. And they really want. You know, my program is really great when people are like ready to move forward.
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AMY SCHOEN: They're like, I want to meet someone. I just don't know how to go about it. Or you know, this online thing, you know, like, like, 80% of my successfully couple clients have met through online, actually. And most people come to me and say, Amy, I've tried it. It hasn't worked, and I say not yet.
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AMY SCHOEN: So there is a bit of a tweaking and a process to really make sure that you're putting your most authentic self out.
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AMY SCHOEN: and also in learning how to weed out the crazy people and the scammers.
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Mark Entrekin: There's going to be some.
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AMY SCHOEN: They're there. But you know you can go into a bar and meet a crazy person, or you can go into a restaurant, a Starbucks and meet a crazy person. So you know, this is this is something you have to learn how to vet people and really say, Is this my person. Is this the kind of person I feel comfortable with?
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AMY SCHOEN: And and so, you know, giving people a way of sifting through. That's what my program does is really. We look at values, your your must haves. You know your interests. You don't need to share all your interests. Just some, and your goals need to be aligned. You need to be going in the same direction. Want the same things for me.
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AMY SCHOEN: you know, when I was in my thirties and motivated to marry. My goal was to get married and have a family. Well, I met some lovely men who said.
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AMY SCHOEN: Had my children already
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AMY SCHOEN: more kids, and I had to make a decision. I mean, that really defined who I was dating.
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AMY SCHOEN: And again in in the boomer in my 60, plus a lot of I want to move somewhere after or I'm you know there's a big difference between people who are still working and people who are retired. You know, those are different goals, and one of my girlfriends who met a lovely man, and he was already retired.
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AMY SCHOEN: They broke up. It wasn't that they weren't attracted to each other, and they didn't like each other because his goals were different than hersers. She was still working, and her kids weren't launched yet, and he wanted to go off sailing on a sailboat in the middle of the day, when he felt like it. So he ended, he dumped her for actually an older woman who lived closer to him and had lifestyles similar to him.
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AMY SCHOEN: So you know, though, that has to match up, and I've seen it time and time again. You can like somebody, but if you're not moving in the same direction, and you don't want the same things now. Sometimes, you know my sister-in-law. She retired. No, my brother-in-law retired first, st and then my sister, but they were planning it, and they were already a couple. So you know, sometimes there is an adjustment period, especially in that age group.
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Mark Entrekin: And that's what.
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AMY SCHOEN: Interesting to see.
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Mark Entrekin: It is, but that's 1 of the things I think you said, and
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Mark Entrekin: I stress it so much again, with my whole process of just
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Mark Entrekin: harnessing what I call the power of encouraging and inspiring and including others, because in a relationship that
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Mark Entrekin: ability to see them grow in the relationship and maybe grow into things that may bring them
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Mark Entrekin: into confusion, or may bring them closer together. Those things as they're growing. That communication can help
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Mark Entrekin: bridge any of those gaps as they as a couple grows together, and.
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AMY SCHOEN: Always differences, right.
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Mark Entrekin: They're always like.
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AMY SCHOEN: Call them the glitches. So in a new relationship everything's wonderful with her. And then there's a spark, there's a whatever. And then, like 6 months in. There's the -ohs, you know. -Oh, I didn't realize this about him or, -oh, I didn't realize that. So it's how you handle those. And that's the real test of the relationship is, you know, when things are wonderful, then you know, hey? But when things get a little tough, how do you handle it as a couple.
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AMY SCHOEN: And actually, I do relationship coach. I do couples coaching as well. And so it's really fun to, you know, I normally work with a couple, and they're moving towards what I call alignment. They're not really in distress. It's how to work out the little stuff.
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AMY SCHOEN: But every once in a while. There's a big thing that you know is a make or break thing. And so it's really interesting. One time I was coaching a woman, and she kept me on it after she met the guy who ended up being her partner.
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AMY SCHOEN: And and they had some issues. They had issues and a lot of times. It's about the world around them. So he had an overbearing. He had an overbearing sister.
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AMY SCHOEN: and so she was the one he he always went to her, the sister for.
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AMY SCHOEN: And now it's like I'm your partner now you have to, you know. So they actually worked on it together. So I was helping her like, you know, with what how to handle it. And they actually went to a coach. I actually recommended one on some someone I knew a colleague, and they did couples coaching together with my colleague. So that was the choice. Not everybody wants to, you know. Bring somebody in.
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AMY SCHOEN: But one of the funny things I coached a couple around was was her dog.
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AMY SCHOEN: and she was treating her dog like like a kid. And and you know I and it just was funny. So it just turned out at the end. He goes, yeah, I guess I could live with it, you know, like it wasn't a big deal like like, is it a big deal, or is it a little deal, you know? So what she treats this dog like a kid, you know. I mean, where does that really affect you, you know. So it's really funny when people see, you know, can see and see a path forward.
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Mark Entrekin: That's true. Once that path forward and make sure something doesn't go to an extreme to one side or the other, but something
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Mark Entrekin: because I I think I heard you say earlier about
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Mark Entrekin: in relationships, there's I want this, and I want that. And sometimes it's a you do this, and you do that. That's 1 of the things that I work on. And my sweetheart is wonderful. With this we take the I and the you out and make everything a, we and us. It's us. It's we.
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Mark Entrekin: How do you see that working in other relationships.
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AMY SCHOEN: Well, I mean, it's just the words I mean, you do have to be able to express your needs. And and so I am a believer in that. But definitely, when i 1 of the things you want to look in a person when you're looking at, is this a we person or a me person.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so you know what is best for the relationship. So how do we handle it? I thanks.
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AMY SCHOEN: That's what you're trying to say is, how what's you know? Where do we want to go on vacation? Where you know? How are we gonna handle the fact that you know, I mean. Personally, I mean, I still have a teenager who's not driving yet.
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AMY SCHOEN: and and an elderly mother who she's, you know, still independent, but she needs my time and and focus. And so, you know, it is only so much of one of us, you know, especially where we're at this in this age group.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah. And I think the young people have a real hard time, because, you know, they've been very, and I don't like to judge. I mean, I have some wonderful young clients, and I love helping.
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AMY SCHOEN: But you know again, it's it's
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AMY SCHOEN: being open-minded and seeing the bigger picture.
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Mark Entrekin: And you mentioned some of the the online dating we have now that has just I mean, it's boomed in the last decade. Maybe a couple of decades, but go ahead.
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AMY SCHOEN: No. Go ahead. Well.
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Mark Entrekin: Besides that, what are some other significant shifts?
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Mark Entrekin: Because you have? I think more women are working now.
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AMY SCHOEN: Notice trends, and I keep track of them, and I keep track of how my clients meet. And when I work with a client, actually, it's a good point. I work on what I call a comprehensive dating plan. I actually have a 1 page or dating plan. I don't want my clients running around doing a million things. I want to focus on the things that are going to work for them.
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AMY SCHOEN: based on their values, their interests and their passions based on their personality. So I do look at the people who are a little more introverted, and have smaller circles of friends, and don't like to go to. You know, places where they don't know people very well is that's a different, you know behavior. You know that there are different things that I would recommend than somebody who's a little more extroverted and willing to go out and try different things and
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AMY SCHOEN: that kind of thing. So so the you know I do the comprehensive dating plan. And I find that online dating definitely. I mean, like, right now, we're in the New Year. And this is very active.
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AMY SCHOEN: This is one of the busiest times a year. So all my clients I've tried to. If they're working currently with me, I want to get them ready, have their profiles ready and reflecting them well, and their photos good photos.
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AMY SCHOEN: you know. And then the second thing is introductions.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so, being introduced by your social network that know you and like you. But you have to know who will be willing to introduce you. So not everyone is is a connector. And so I have a whole brainstorming sheet on who's your connectors? And so they can see. Oh, you know, I really should share this, and this has happened many times. They're like, Oh, yeah, you know, I didn't think about so and so.
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AMY SCHOEN: or you know, or they said, I've already asked. And I said, well, you didn't. You know I trained them how to ask for help and support. And there is. There's a methodology. So so
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AMY SCHOEN: you know, because if you just say to somebody, Oh, do you know somebody to introduce me to? Most most likely someone's going to say, oh, you know I can't think of anyone right now. But if you give the key 5 to 7 things about the person you want to meet, it may jog their memory, and they're like, you know I do know someone, or when they're out and about. They're like, you know, what I really have to introduce this person to.
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AMY SCHOEN: You know, Joe, or whoever you already have a significant other. So
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Mark Entrekin: Yes.
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AMY SCHOEN: So. So you know, teaching how to do it is important, and many of my clients have met through introduction, and then the last thing is, of course, where you spend your time, when you're not working, and and you know where you go, what events, what interests, what activities, what groups you belong to.
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AMY SCHOEN: That's another option in terms of meeting people, but not at the numbers. I mean the online dating. My, my clients are busy people. You know, you have to have the time and the energy. So you know, creating a relationship and and then meeting in person after you vet someone
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AMY SCHOEN: and you can meet somebody in event. But you don't know if they're motivated for a relationship.
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AMY SCHOEN: And I've been to singles events. And I've seen these guys. I know they have girlfriends at home.
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Mark Entrekin: Wow!
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AMY SCHOEN: But they're just out socializing.
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AMY SCHOEN: because that's where they see their friends and and their girlfriend is doing her own thing, or she's introverted, or
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AMY SCHOEN: yeah. And and these groups are not necessarily singles groups. So they're they're social.
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Mark Entrekin: Okay.
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AMY SCHOEN: It could be like a sailing group or or a tennis group, or
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AMY SCHOEN: you know, I mean, I was in biking brunch, and because I met my husband in a biking this biking group. I would go to see my friends.
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AMY SCHOEN: and and I would do with the activity, you know, when I didn't have a kid, you know, before, children. So
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AMY SCHOEN: you know, it's it's kind of, you know. People stay with the group, in a sense, you know, and how, you know, there's a percentage of the group that was coupled at by at a certain time. Ski club the ski clubs or or so, you know in in our areas and stuff like that. So.
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Mark Entrekin: Yeah, that's true. Because you want to go into the relationship and build upon what was there when you met? Because that's pretty much your base.
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Mark Entrekin: your foundation. And if someone's in a biking club and ski club, whatever it may be, they may join together, or maybe even in their work.
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Mark Entrekin: there's ways that they can do things together.
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AMY SCHOEN: Have met at work.
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AMY SCHOEN: You do have to be careful that it's it's appropriate and acceptable. And there are Hr rules and stuff. And and so, you know, sometimes I've seen people meet like at a Conference or through, like I knew somebody who met through the National Speakers Association. I know I had a woman who met her her partner through a conference with financial planners.
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AMY SCHOEN: you know. But that is not. It's it's not as strategic.
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AMY SCHOEN: It's it's it's a serendipity. It's not something that you can like. Say, I want. You know, if it happens, it's great. But it's not. Gonna that's not the typical way people meet today.
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Mark Entrekin: Yeah, that's interesting. How do you help people overcome
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Mark Entrekin: when you're you mentioned earlier? The widowers? How do you help them overcome that fear? Are there certain traits? Are there certain ideas? Did you say you have a list that you give them? How do you help people
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Mark Entrekin: get back out of there.
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AMY SCHOEN: Everybody has their negative, you know, like we all have in coaching. Speak. We call it Gremlins. I'm not a therapist, so so we have to look at those negative thoughts that come up. You know the I'm nots.
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AMY SCHOEN: you know I'm not. I'm not skinny. I'm not young, I'm not this. I'm not. You know, all the I'm nots.
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AMY SCHOEN: and I have what I call the thrive model which focuses on who you are and what you offer to a relationship. We look at your talents and your heart, and how you're giving to the world.
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AMY SCHOEN: and you know your values and your interests, and you know what makes you the person you are? And and so there is somebody who's going to appreciate you for for you and I like, I said, I have clients from all walks of life, all ages, all ethnicities, you know, all shapes and sizes. And you know, even if you go to my website, you'll see that there's 1 young woman, and she's, you know.
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AMY SCHOEN: She actually went after she did her thrive. I said, Well, what do you think about this person? And she said, she's a pretty terrific person, and she kind of had tears in her eyes. I said, Yes, she is. And she went online, and she met this guy, and he's like, you know, he's a little skinny guy, and he's so happy, you know. And they both were software developers and back. Then they met on a site called Geek to Geek.
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AMY SCHOEN: I don't.
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Mark Entrekin: Oh!
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AMY SCHOEN: Anymore. But you know, and it's just so wonderful to see. And now they're married, and they have kids. And you know.
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Mark Entrekin: Beautiful.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah, so there's somebody for everybody, you know, there really is. And I've worked with all sorts of people. And I've worked with these guys, and you know.
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AMY SCHOEN: and when I find that they finally meet somebody, you know, it's like, I'm really like thrilled for them. And sometimes they just go through my coaching program, and then they leave. And you know, I might say happy birthday or or Happy New Year. And they're like, Yeah.
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AMY SCHOEN: somebody I'm like, yay.
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AMY SCHOEN: or sometimes I'm working, you know they they stay with me and stay with the coaching. So you know.
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Mark Entrekin: Good.
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AMY SCHOEN: It really is depends on you know the person and and how much you know, support they want, and accountability, and all that. So.
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Mark Entrekin: I think it's great that people are reaching out to you, and then, even after their relationship comes together, that they stay with you and keep talking with you, because, of course, I'm a coach, so why.
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AMY SCHOEN: To get through those like, especially their 1st 6 months to a year.
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AMY SCHOEN: Many times my clients stay with me for almost a year, especially if they have a relationship. They're like.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah, I'm not sure. You know there was something, or you know, and and they have to work through and see, you know, can I make this workable for me? Can I live with this? Can I feel, you know, like this guy is really either I can trust this person, or I can have the life I want with this person. I mean, we all have doubts.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so, you know, you do have to spend time with someone you can't just, you know, I mean yes, it's motivated to marry, but you know I have time frames depending on your age and your goals, and I mean I was when I met my husband. I was 41.
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AMY SCHOEN: We dated for 6 months.
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AMY SCHOEN: and then we got I got engaged, and then I got married within the year.
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AMY SCHOEN: A pretty quick time frame I wouldn't recommend anything shorter than that.
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AMY SCHOEN: and you know, when people kind of like, and you have to be careful about that 1st 6 months when you know the you know the rose colored glasses and everything like that.
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AMY SCHOEN: and even when things are wonderful. It's it's the, you know. There are always things that pop up, and it's usually about the family or friends or work, or something outside of the couple. And and so it's, you know, does does it work
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AMY SCHOEN: in the real life as well as just the 2 of you?
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AMY SCHOEN: And it's. It's a very interesting situation.
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Mark Entrekin: How do you help people ask those tough questions early? Is that some of the things you're talking about
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Mark Entrekin: same very personable but very needed. How do you help your clients
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Mark Entrekin: open up more to be to ask those questions early, like you said, you feel that 6 months is. But that's about as soon as you want to do it.
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Mark Entrekin: because you may not know enough. In 6 months.
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AMY SCHOEN: Thanks.
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Mark Entrekin: How do you help.
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AMY SCHOEN: To ask, and you know a lot of my clients are a couple of books out there. I think Gottman wrote something like 1st aid dates.
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AMY SCHOEN: Dr. John Gottman. He's 1 of those, you know, Guru relationship people he's written many, many books with, and he's with his wife, and very, very established and
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AMY SCHOEN: respected in the industry. But there are a lot of things. There was even an article in the New York Times Modern love that the woman was a journalist, and she had this list of questions, and she asked a friend.
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AMY SCHOEN: you know I'm doing this article. Will you meet with me? And in 3 h. They went through these questions and guess what? They fell in love, and they got married. So so you know I do. You know, I have resources for my clients that I give to them if they want to, you know. Do that kind of work.
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AMY SCHOEN: I had some very devout Christian client, and he found books that were more Christian oriented, and and he actually had a long distance. This was a very unusual. This is a pandemic story. Where this guy met this woman. He was here in DC. And she was in Australia.
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AMY SCHOEN: and he was working with matchmakers for 9 years, and he hired me, and he met this woman within 3 months of working.
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Mark Entrekin: Wow!
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AMY SCHOEN: And then it was the pandemic right? So he would have gone to Australia to meet her. But he wasn't going anywhere. This is March, April of 2020,
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AMY SCHOEN: and so.
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Mark Entrekin: Holy.
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AMY SCHOEN: He, he! They communicated. They were on zoom, they they talked a lot, and in in December of 2020. She's a teacher. So she had like a month off she was able to quarantine. Come here, and then go back and quarantine, which was required back then before the vaccine.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so she became and met him, and they really hit it off. And and then the following year she came back again, and then they got married. But they really worked hard, and I actually, you know, coached with him and then coached with that he they wanted me to coach them as a couple.
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AMY SCHOEN: and then also she was involved in her church, and she had her pastor or minister do some coaching or meet with them as well.
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AMY SCHOEN: So it was. It takes a village right and but he would they they were both divorced.
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AMY SCHOEN: He had children, and she had not, and so she was willing to come here, she was able to come to the States at the time. And
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AMY SCHOEN: yeah, that works out great.
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AMY SCHOEN: That is probably my most long distance relationship story. But you know I love it. He I have a little. He goes. I work with matchmakers for 9 years, and they were not sending him the people. They weren't listening to him.
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AMY SCHOEN: They were just slapping him with people, and and you know, and so not that matchmaking, you just have to know like before you go to a matchmaker. You need me because I'm going to drill you down and and help you give the information to the matchmaker. So you're like, no, you need to find me this person, not that person.
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AMY SCHOEN: you know, whatever it is.
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Mark Entrekin: Well, that brings out a good point. What! There are so many matchmakers out there. I know I've talked with you several times, Amy. I think the world of you, and what you're doing, of the quality, the integrity that you have.
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Mark Entrekin: But that's from my perspective, from yourself. What?
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Mark Entrekin: What makes you stand out as a better matchmaker.
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AMY SCHOEN: Well, I'm not a matchmaker. I'm a coach. And so the thing is, it's doing the deep work. It's really getting to know yourself. It's doing that values work. So what makes me stand out from the other coaches? They say they do values, but they don't do values. My clients get at least 2 dozen values described. So let's say, for instance, you have an independence value, and I have an independence value.
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AMY SCHOEN: Your independence value might look different than mine. Actually, more than one independence. I have a financial independence, and I have a work independence value.
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AMY SCHOEN: So it's really important to describe that now one of my values. I call myself an independent, creative entrepreneur. It's how I like to work. It's an Amy value. It's a personal value. Now, I don't need my partner to
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AMY SCHOEN: have that value, but I do need them to respect it, appreciate me for it, and support me in it, and when I was dating as an entrepreneur. It was really hard, I mean, I have no trouble. I had no trouble meeting men, but to meet a man who wanted what I wanted.
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AMY SCHOEN: wanted the life I wanted, and would support me in my my aspirations was hard.
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Mark Entrekin: Because you know, different people want different things.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so you know, some of my my friends, you know they're they're stayed at home, moms, because somebody, their husbands are out working, making the money, and they're the ones taking care of the household.
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AMY SCHOEN: you know, it's not. Everybody wants my model right? And so I had to find a guy who was okay with that, and would support me in that. And so, you know, my husband is really supportive of my career. And
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AMY SCHOEN: you know, to almost to his detriment now. And and so what I'm saying is.
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AMY SCHOEN: I didn't need someone to be an independent creative entrepreneur. I just needed someone to support me in that, and there's a difference. And so sometimes people think they need something like I had a woman who was retired, and she had always been successful, to be successful in career and accomplish, and a career was really important to her.
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AMY SCHOEN: However, she met this guy, and he had a lot of the values that she was looking for.
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AMY SCHOEN: And then we came across the accomplishment value. I said, How important is this to you right now, at this point in your life.
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AMY SCHOEN: and she had to think about it, and they said, How is he successful?
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AMY SCHOEN: While he was paying he had his own place. He was paying his own bills, even had a beach house.
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AMY SCHOEN: He was involved in his community.
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AMY SCHOEN: He was helping out and at at the local synagogue and teaching Sunday school.
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AMY SCHOEN: He had friends, successful in his own way. In his life he was successful.
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AMY SCHOEN: Now, can you appreciate someone for that?
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AMY SCHOEN: Maybe he didn't earn what you earned.
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AMY SCHOEN: But what do you need at this point in your life? She was in her seventies, and she was retired.
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AMY SCHOEN: They're still together. It's been 3 years so.
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Mark Entrekin: Well, that's okay. That's good to hear.
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AMY SCHOEN: I'm just saying that there's a decision. You know what the values are so important. But to look at the right values and to describe them and understand. Where do they come from? And how are they impacting your life today?
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Mark Entrekin: I think that's awesome, and thank you for helping me on that a few minutes ago.
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Mark Entrekin: Because you're right. You're not a matchmaker. You are a coach.
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Mark Entrekin: and you're helping the people going through the things such as
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Mark Entrekin: interrelationship, the accountability, the caring, the class, the commitment, the communication, the devotion
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Mark Entrekin: that forgiving the ability to forgive the honesty, the kindness that love.
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AMY SCHOEN: Matchmakers are transactional, and and coaches are transformation.
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Mark Entrekin: Yes, and I like transformation, because that's what.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah, I see.
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Mark Entrekin: I like to build.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah, so they're, I mean, and they have a purpose. I'm not knocking it.
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AMY SCHOEN: They are a very useful useful for some people.
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AMY SCHOEN: Well, did I hear you say, Yeah, go ahead.
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Mark Entrekin: I'm sorry. So here you say they could even use you before they go to. If they want to use a matchmaker they could use your expertise.
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AMY SCHOEN: Right? Exactly. It's it's another way to meet people.
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AMY SCHOEN: So is it, you know, and it doesn't make sense for everybody. It makes sense for some people.
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AMY SCHOEN: But it doesn't make sense for other people. And so, like, you know, with 80% of my successfully coupled clients meeting on online dating after I help them and support them through that process and show them how to do it.
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AMY SCHOEN: I've only had 2 clients in 20 years who've met through a traditional matchmaker.
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Mark Entrekin: Congratulations again on what you're doing. That's that's excellent. So here we are, coming up on the New Year. Happy New Year again to everyone
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Mark Entrekin: what month is coming up next? And what happens on the 14th of next month?
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Mark Entrekin: Are you doing anything special for Valentine's day? Are you? What what.
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AMY SCHOEN: What do you do?
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Mark Entrekin: To help people.
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AMY SCHOEN: If you sign up for my newsletter, if you sign up on my my online, you know, go to Motivated to marry. You can get on my email list. And I do a weekly newsletter kind of similar to you.
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AMY SCHOEN: And and I do have some events coming up. And so I'm doing. Next week. I'm doing my jumpstart, your dating 10 tips for jumpstarting, your dating in 2025 it's virtual. So I teach virtually.
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AMY SCHOEN: And then on February 8.th I'm doing my get ready for love workshop, which is on Saturday afternoon. It's a full well, I'm in the I'm East Coast Standard time, so it's from 12 to 6. And then we have an evening program.
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AMY SCHOEN: Which is a bonus. And so it sounds like a long day, but it goes quickly, and we put you in breakout rooms and we have breaks. And you know, I mean, it's it's been well designed. I've run it several times. So.
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AMY SCHOEN: And yeah, it's a good way to get a taste of what I do, how I do it and learn my some of my process, and
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AMY SCHOEN: you know. Kind of get a, you know. Get a taste of if if I'm the right coach for you, or this is the right next step for you.
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Mark Entrekin: That's excellent, Amy. So that's www. Dot motivated to mary.com takes you to your site and they can quickly jump on.
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AMY SCHOEN: Yeah, and I have a little freebie right now. You know, it's a guide, I think. 5 5. I'm actually changing it soon to a quiz, but I do. You know, you can kind of sign up and get my little guide. It's an easy read and and
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AMY SCHOEN: and then, you know you'll you'll kind of be in, you know. Start being in my world if you want to learn more about what I do and how I do it. So.
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Mark Entrekin: I like what you said.
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AMY SCHOEN: I welcome people to to peruse, and I have a very extensive blog. So if you know tons of information on my blog, too.
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Mark Entrekin: That's great, Amy, and for people that might be a little bit hesitant to invest in coaching, you've given quite a few examples of what you do and how you do it. But
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Mark Entrekin: can you maybe elaborate a little bit more on that success and the return on investment
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Mark Entrekin: 3. Step process 1st is to get clear about what you want and who you are.
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AMY SCHOEN: So it's that inner work.
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AMY SCHOEN: You have to ground yourself. That's the foundational. Those values are the foundation. And I do a deep dive into the values with my clients
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AMY SCHOEN: and and everything about your ideal life and ideal relationship and all those things. The second step is to figure out where you're going to connect with the right person. So I help you figure out that. And we develop your dating plan. And the 3rd step is to how to create the relationship that's going to work for you. So I teach a lot around relationship building and things like that and how to decide if someone. And then when you meet someone, when do you become exclusive?
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AMY SCHOEN: What are the conversations you need to have? I actually have a little checklist. I call a relationship,
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AMY SCHOEN: expectations. We all come into relationships with expectations, and they come into relationship with expectations. Well, which ones how do we align those? And so I have these different topics, like money and social and family, and you know your place or my place, you know, living, or you know all those things, you know, and I have couples who are together, and I have couples who are apart, living in different places.
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AMY SCHOEN: So you know, it's really about what you want to create and what's important for you. So I take my clients through that process. And when they're through that process, you know, they're very clear, and they have a have a game plan, and then it's about implementing.
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AMY SCHOEN: So that's really what I do. As a coach. I don't know.
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Mark Entrekin: I think.
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AMY SCHOEN: That makes sense.
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Mark Entrekin: It makes a lot of sense to me, because, as you mentioned, there's how many times we
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Mark Entrekin: even purchase something, but then we push it to the side, and we don't follow through in that words you just mentioned implementing it
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Mark Entrekin: to take what you purchased or just received. Go out to your website www, motivated to marry.com.
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Mark Entrekin: get the package, view the information, and then do something with it. And then, if problems come about, give you a call send you an email.
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AMY SCHOEN: And and, you know, coming to one of my workshops and things is a good way to just get a taste. Is this for me.
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AMY SCHOEN: And do I like this? And are you comfortable in my environment? So I don't bite. I'm a friendly person.
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Mark Entrekin: And I've seen nothing but very friendly, and it's just great how you work, and.
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AMY SCHOEN: It is.
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Mark Entrekin: Your husband seems wonderful.
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AMY SCHOEN: I'm not. I'm not everybody's coach. So you know, there are different kinds of coaches out there, and and I just like dating. It's it's it's
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AMY SCHOEN: I look at it like dating, you know. It's you know. If it's gonna work out it'll work out. We'll have a great time together. If if I'm not your kind of coach, then it's been nice to meet you, you know.
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Mark Entrekin: And you can refer to others. Probably right. You have other.
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AMY SCHOEN: I actually am training other coaches to be motivated to marry coaches, and I find that I you know there's sometimes people that I feel are better served by one of my other coaches. So I have coaches.
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AMY SCHOEN: I have, you know, 3 certified coaches at this time.
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Mark Entrekin: Well, as you talk about dating we've talked about is here, and how you and I started dating a couple of years ago more than a couple.
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Mark Entrekin: and the way dating is now, and and what we're doing, what do you see upcoming? Do you see anything different in the
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Mark Entrekin: near future?
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AMY SCHOEN: I think people are. You know, the pandemic has had a big effect, and I mean, people want to get out. And people want to meet people people in person. However, if you don't have the time. So I think you know, having options like the online dating and stuff is really great. It's really about the connection.
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AMY SCHOEN: And what I find is when my clients meet the right person. It doesn't take a lot of time. Actually, what I forgot to mention is most of my clients. When they meet the right person they become exclusive within 3 to 6 days, on average.
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AMY SCHOEN: because they've done the work. There's a recognition and they want. And so exclusivity is about, okay, let's
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AMY SCHOEN: not date other people. Let's see where this can go. You can't build trust until you're in exclusive relationship. So when do you? You know? And this is a big discussion in a lot of my coaching groups and stuff, and with my clients. When do you become exclusive? When do you feel comfortable? And I have a plan for that, too? I actually want my clients to develop a plan for exclusivity even before they meet that person, so that they're ready to rock and roll, because at this.
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AMY SCHOEN: especially at this age, you know, when we're in our fifties and sixties and stuff like that. Then, even when younger people want to know you like them. And if you hesitate, then they're like, well, maybe they're not really into me, and you know, so you kind of have to kind of go with the flow, in a sense, and and if you feel good, and you see that things are lining up
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AMY SCHOEN: and say, you know what I'm going to give this a shot. I'm going to, you know. See where it goes. And most
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AMY SCHOEN: that's really good about the relationships. When they become exclusive. They they, you know, I mean, I would say.
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AMY SCHOEN: 75% chance. It moves forward to the right direction.
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Mark Entrekin: That's beautiful. And that's a great percentage. We have about 3 min left.
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Mark Entrekin: And as we talk more about that achieving unity through harnessing that power of encouraging, inspiring, including others. Do you have any words of encouragement for the listeners who are single and seeking love.
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AMY SCHOEN: Well, I just think people should just be themselves and not be what they think people want, because you can't keep that up.
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AMY SCHOEN: and also to to be curious about somebody, and open and curious, and don't assume things, you know. Just just check it out. That's my my expression, because sometimes I almost miss my husband.
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AMY SCHOEN: and I made an assumption about him. But it was my coach that said, Take a look further, don't discount him just yet, and I have to say I've done that for several of my clients as well like. Don't discount them yet. Just give them a chance. See where it goes. You're not marrying the guy or the woman, and you may be pleasantly surprised. And you know, so we have these. How can I say assumptions?
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AMY SCHOEN: And they're not always right.
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AMY SCHOEN: And so, in terms of unity, is being open, and what to what's possible.
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Mark Entrekin: Yes, that is so true. I love what you're saying. There, Amy, that helps out so much.
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Mark Entrekin: and for people to be open to that. But again, back to that honesty and the caring and responsible accountable. It works out so well, Amy, thank you so much. I appreciate your time. Wonderful having you here today wish you the best. If I can refer people to you, you know I will thank you very much
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Mark Entrekin: again. My name is Mark. Thank you. Welcome. It's Mark intriken all about reality, focus dynamics, creating solutions, one reality at a time. So let's move together. Take it forward. Happy New Year's 1 more time. Let's make this year, the year we want it to be, and not what somebody else thinks it should be.
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Mark Entrekin: Take care, hope to see you next week. Thank you all.
