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Hello, everyone. My name is Mark Entrekin and you are in the Achieving Unity Weekly?
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Podcast great to have you here. This is all about our success formula and achieving unity for everyone in every area.
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This we can do by working together. That's what unity is all about If you look on the screen right now, you'll see that it has a QR code to the bottom right. This is for our newsletter and we do publish the newsletter on the first and third Thursday.
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Of every month. So please sign up for it. Give feedback and let us know what you can do.
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How we can all help each other in unity.
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My company, Creating Solutions, one reality at a time reality focused dynamics creating solutions for us to work through and not just work on problems or looking for problems But they are success-focused solutions building us going forward.
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We can transform our world to a better world. Are working together.
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No one person has done anything great. Everything that we work on, everything we do.
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From the computers that we use The electricity that we use, it wasn't just one person.
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It's teams of people working together. From parents as we'll find out more about later.
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All the way up to the CEOs. They manage and lead people. So we work on that one.
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And what we do and how we grow forward. Any more questions or information? Please get in contact with me.
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Achieving Unity's success from the weekly podcast is at this time every Wednesday.
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Love to have you here. If you have subjects you'd like to talk about.
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What you'd like to hear about, get in contact with me.
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Let me know what you want to hear. As we're choosing unity.
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One. Success at a time.
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Reality-focused Dynamics delivers, again, those success-focused solutions. As you can see through our logo.
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Reality focus dynamics, success-focused solutions. Please contact us more. Contact us today for more information.
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So what is one of the other things that we do besides just achieving unity?
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Well, Unity is everything that we do. One of the other ways that I work with that on the corporate side building down to all of the other entities and verticals business is using Agile and Ling outside of software.
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And many of you might say, what is agile? Well, I know about being agile, about being moldable and usable but What's a lean? Am I leaning sideways?
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No. Sometimes we think that process. But Agile is the ability to create and respond to changes and improvements. Changes are short term. Improvements are long term.
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It enables success in uncertain and possibly struggling environments By emphasizing adaptability through better collaboration and communication.
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Collaboration and communication are the keys. That unlock our doors to success.
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Lean is a methodology. It's a study of a method focused on maximizing value by minimizing waste and optimizing our processes through continuous improvement.
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Effectiveness and efficiency. The philosophy can be used again in every discipline, in every vertical.
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Including our homes. Let me show you how.
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Connect with me and I'll show you how to break all issues products and services down from the most complex Business projects, including rocket science. Yes, I have worked for Boeing and Lockheed Martin.
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We can take those same ideas. Down the basic steps of training our teenagers.
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Think of a busy morning at a family breakfast. Everyone has somewhere to go, somewhere to be from work to school, to many other events or locations.
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For that breakfast, have a family stand-up meeting each evening. During which everyone shares their task for the next day.
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Place sticky notes on the refrigerator. I have the chores and responsibilities and each person can then move their sticky note from that to-do column.
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To the done column so we know where everybody is, where it stands.
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We could even create a breakfast station with pre-portioned ingredients and a weekly meal plan.
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As we maximize decision fatigue. In the complex moments But we reduce the time spent searching for items that can help everyone participate in a smoother.
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And more effective and efficient process. Let's talk a little bit about achieving unity and some of the things we'll talk about today.
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Achieving unity through the encouragement inspiration and inclusion of others.
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As I mentioned before, nothing has ever been done by one person, no great feat that we know of today. Anything we take advantage of today.
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Has ever done but one person. How do we help others do this?
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Number one, encouragement. Encouragement can be the powerful force that fuels the core of empowerment.
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Encourage others to help accomplish those tasks. Inspire each other to ensure to achieve every goal to ensure we can complete those goals.
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Unity makes us all a successful team. And we include others and we celebrate every victory amongst the whole team.
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Both personally and professionally. Together, we can overcome every challenge.
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And I say personally as well as professionally Because we can do it at home with our children. As we can learn more about today.
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We can do it at work. We can do it socially.
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It's about including people in a positive manner So we're all working toward the successes that everyone deserves.
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What else can we do with the achieving unity and breaking things down to the minimum viable situations well Do you know anyone that's facing relationship challenges?
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Possibly parenting difficulties. Are you or someone you know struggling with relationship issues or parenting time issues as a divorce?
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Or divorcing parent? What we can do is transform frustration into understanding with what the frustration.
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Where is the value in our actions? Too many times that causes frustration.
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We want to say, what? Frustration. Frustration generates a lot of the hate.
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And anger and prejudices that we have today. We must realize that anger holds no value.
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I go with a girlfriend.
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Renee, can you get that…
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But by tourists or You guys buy two? Yeah, we did the tour, yeah.
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Jamie? Jamie Kingery? Are you on mute?
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So it's a group. And the gal that we signed up with, that's all she does is African safaris.
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Jamie, Renee, can you Get that?
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Okay.
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Thank you. Sorry about that, everyone. We must realize that anger holds no value.
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Anger is just actions, not gaining effective results. A-n-g-e-r.
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Not connected.
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Actions not gaining effective results.
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Renee, do I need to get on that? Second.
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Hold on, Jimmy. Mute.
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Okay, I got lost stop there.
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Okay. All right. Life happens is what we just saw. Life happens.
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We see this so often. And the things that we do, the things that we go through on a day-to-day basis, surprises come about all the time.
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Life is a mix. Of surprises. Just like we saw today.
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So we need to work together to solve those surprises. So are you or someone you know struggling with relationship issues or parenting times issues as a divorced or divorcing parent?
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Transform that frustration into understanding. As we said, what the frustration Life happens from personal relationships to parenting time to pre-duptial agreements.
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When I say prenuptial agreements, the nuptial is not required. We can learn to embrace and enjoy every moment and every challenge together.
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That's where it all comes together, that unity. Coming and enjoying every moment Every challenge that we have together.
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Achieving unity through the power of encouraging, inspiring, and including others As I mentioned over and over, that's just so great that what we can do personally and professionally. It's awesome.
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If you look at the QR code on the left, that's our website home.
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Through the QR code on the right. That's our website contact page.
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Please get that one on the right on the right-hand side.
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To contact me. Anything that we can do Please contact me. Let's talk.
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To set an appointment. Always excited to talk with you. Upcoming podcast.
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Next week, on the 29th. We have Jennifer Jel talking to us about empowering men.
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Vision for Honorable Leadership. We have so many issues today about the gender bias and the problems with how one gender has been pushed aside for so long and we want to grow us all put gender out of it. Talk to Art Still a couple of weeks ago he's a defensive
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Linebacker linebacker for a The catch of the Chiefs and what he mentioned was anytime he sees any kind of application where it says What's your gender? He puts other.
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I'm sorry, what's his race? When he says race, he puts other. And it goes down to the box where it says But what kind of other? What is other?
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He puts human for human race. And that's where we need to be in a process.
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Jennifer Jel is going to talk to us about honorable leadership.
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Or people who can be. Gentlemen and not feel bad about it.
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But step out and be who they can be. And I forgot to update the pending. That one's on domestic violence. We've been talking about on the 5th.
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To be an exciting meeting Because of a program we're putting together to help families.
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Couples, male and female, mother and father, man and woman, going through any kind of domestic violence or human violence.
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So please be there on the 5th. On the 12th, women's motivation Before, during, and after divorce.
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Marty Winter Adams will be here. Talking about the process of how to motivate yourself, to be motivated.
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To be better before, during, and after divorce because you're still the wonderful person you have always been.
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Being in business and doing it right. Alyssa Bicker. She'll be coming to talk to us on the 19th of February.
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Please come and join us. Being in business and doing it right. We all need to be there.
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Know yourself with Annette Evans Wilson. Enjoy an authentic life. A lot of great things we're doing here. This is about achieving unity.
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Harnessing that power of encouraging inspiring and including others.
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Love to see you every week. Now for the big day. This is it. We have a wonderful guest coming in today.
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The repairment coach. I'm sorry, the parent coach.
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Because it's the re-parent. I love the way she did that.
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The parent. Transform Your Parenting Reconnect Just when you're parenting, reconnect with your child change our lives.
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As a parenting coach and mom, Jamie understands the challenge parents face in raising confident.
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And empowered children. She offers guidance in creating a nurturing environment that fosters connection and cooperation with your child.
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Working with Jamie will teach you how to replace power struggles and coercive tactics With understanding, emotional safety.
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And secure boundaries. Using a compassionate approach, compassionate approach.
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And evidence-based research. Jmu will empower you in your parenting journey and help you find more joy.
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As you can see in the bottom right-hand corner, there is her website.
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Www, the repair it coach.com.
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So if you would, please help me welcome as I change my screens over here.
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Get off my share. And bring on Jamie Bazell. Jamie, how are you today?
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Hello, Mark. I'm doing great. How are you? Thank you for having me.
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Oh, absolutely. Excited to have you here I think your story is so exciting and so beneficial.
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For all of us in what we do. So if you would, tell me just a little bit about yourself.
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Thank you.
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How you got into this. And what's working for you and the parents that you work with.
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Sure. So I'll start kind of with how I got into this. So I think my journey probably starts with my own childhood, if I'm you know reflecting back all the way. I grew up in a household myself where I didn't feel very emotionally safe.
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And of course, as a child, you don't recognize that you just you know, have your parents and this is your experience and it is what it is But as I grew older and became more independent, more self-aware and turned into a teenager, I recognized that
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I wasn't able to actually go to my parents when I felt certain ways. I didn't feel safe coming to them about things that concern me.
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I didn't feel safe being honest with my parents because I was so afraid of their reactions, so afraid of getting in trouble and kind of the over the top reactions that I would experience and so Fast forward to when I became a mom
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And I was an older mom. So I was 37 when I had my son. And, you know, a lot of my friends were already had kids that were at least in elementary, if not middle school by the time we had our son.
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And when he hit toddlerhood. We were kind of out of our depth. We just didn't really know what we were doing. And so, of course, we were turning to our friends and asking them like, well, how do you handle tantrums and what do you do with, you know, backtalk and sassiness that kind of comes naturally with
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The toddler years. And we were getting advice like put him in timeout, stick hot sauce in their mouth for back talk. And I know, I mean, these are like things that I did and I have to own that.
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Because this was the advice that I was given. And at the time, I just really didn't know any better.
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And I thought, okay, I'll give it a go. And of course, inevitably, it did not fix.
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What was happening. Because there was nothing broken, A, with my child, and B, he wasn't learning anything. And that was really the pattern that I started to notice was, you know, I'd sit him on the stairs, you know, and walk away and he'd cry.
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And then I'd bring them back over into the fold and the same quote unquote misbehavior would happen.
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And then he'd go back on the stairs. And it just felt like this pattern of really nothing changing except every single time he'd go over there, I felt more disconnected from him. I could see his confusion.
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And I finally looked at my husband one day and I said, what are we teaching him? He's not learning anything. He's not connecting anything.
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So I think I did what a lot of parents did and I started consuming a lot of parenting books.
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And, you know, got a lot of information. I love information. I'm one of those people that researches everything and reads a lot, but it wasn't really moving the needle. So I had all this information, but there was nothing that was changing me or changing my behavior or changing anything with my son.
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And that's when I actually found through Instagram that coaching was something that available for parents.
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And that was a completely new world for me. I had no idea that there was even such a thing as a parenting coach. And so that's how I got started as a coach is I sought out my own coaching.
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That's excellent.
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And yeah, so I would say that it's, yeah, it's just kind of a mix of my own experiences and knowing that I didn't want to repeat some of the patterns of my childhood and then recognizing that what I was doing in my own parenting wasn't working.
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That's such a bright spot to think about because how many times I know when I was young, of course, a different parenting my Oldest brother is 15 years older than me. I have another one 12 years older than me. Brother and sister five years older than me.
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So I came at the end of the process of a lot of learning from my parents how they learned with them But even on an age difference like that.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yes. Yes.
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Do you see some questions in parenting in that process?
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Yes, the short answer is yes. The longer answer is I, you know, there's been a lot of pushback I've, you know, it's created tensions in our families, respectively, both between my husband's family and my own family.
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And there's tension. There's a lot of misunderstanding about how we parent, why we parent the way we parent.
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And I get it. I do get it. There's a lot of misunderstanding and not a lot of information and education around how children develop.
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And I think that's the piece that's really missing for a lot of parents is that I think most parents assume that kids have a brain that is developed at the same level that their brain is developed.
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And they just don't. And you cannot treat a child and handle a child the same way you would handle an adult in a similar situation.
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Nor can you expect a child to behave. The way an adult behaves.
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That is so true. And that's some of the things that I work on too.
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From my side with the coaching and as you do and speaking as thinking about how many times we think the other person can read our minds.
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Correct.
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And if we don't have… that ability to train them And training is a positive standpoint.
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It's about sharing information with someone else So they do know what we know.
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Mm-hmm.
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And that they can talk and ask questions. Because I know when I was young.
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Mm-hmm.
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My dad was in the army. My mother was very strict person.
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I looked at my mother's parents And their parents were very strict.
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And I saw that come down even from my oldest brother, second oldest brother.
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Right, right.
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Third, my sister there was a lot of… controlling parity in the process.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I think what you said, Jamie, about what What are the kids learning is such a powerful question because we were being punished But were we learning anything?
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From that punishment? Was there any explanation of any explanation Here's why you're being punished and here's what you can do to not.
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Be punished again? I didn't receive a lot of that. Do you see that? The parents that you work with?
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Right.
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So yeah, I think one of the things that parents don't recognize, and this is always such a kind of light bulb moment for a lot of parents, is that behavior, what we see in children or even in adults is communication.
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All behavior is, is communication. It is another form of communication, just like speaking.
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Wow.
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And so when we look at behavior through the lens of communication, we can recognize that a child's behavior is a communication of either an unmet need a missing skill or a feeling that they do not know how to express in another way.
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And 99.9% of the time, it is one of those three things.
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And so when you recognize when you recognize that your child is trying to communicate something through their behavior.
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Frustration that you mentioned earlier and that defensiveness that parents immediately have when they are presented with a behavior that is undesirable can dissipate immediately because rather than being offended or frustrated or reactive to it, you can say, wow, I wonder what that behavior is trying to communicate.
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All of a sudden your lens shifts from anger and control to I have to get this child under control to, wow.
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I wonder what's going on for him that he would be talking to me this way.
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And that shift is very powerful because two things are happening.
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Immediately you have empathy. Which not only always is a connective kind of juice between two people.
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Whether it's a six month old or a 60 year old.
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But you are immediately lowering your own temperature of the situation, the emotional temperature comes down. And for children.
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Their nervous system, I mean, I don't want to get too science-y, but it is important to point this out.
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We all have a nervous system. We are all highly impacted by the people around us. But children especially are incredibly sensitive to their surroundings and the emotional temperature of their caregivers.
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So if you think about a parent who is very angry, their nervous system is dysregulated. And this is a buzzword that everybody hears all the time, but it's true. There is a dysregulation happening in the nervous system. And when the parent is dysregulated.
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The child naturally borrows from that nervous system. And now all of a sudden they are dysregulated. So when you can employ curiosity and go, what's going on, buddy? What's happening for you? Wow, this is really upsetting you.
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You employ empathy. You just saw and heard what's going on for your child and immediately Immediately, the child will typically stop what they're doing and at least the temperature comes down a little bit. It doesn't mean that a tantrum stops
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Nor should it. And that's another thing. Tantrums are a very natural form of communication for children.
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But it does put the parent in a situation that they are better equipped to handle what's happening.
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Because when you escalate. The child just escalates and now everybody's offline and nobody's going to solve anything just like two adults screaming at each other in a parking lot over a parking spot.
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Exactly. That's a very good point. And I like the way you use that word borrow.
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Nothing happens.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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Because when someone does something, someone else borrows it. Because it's something that is there.
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Mm-hmm. Yeah.
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They've seen it and they've learned it. Saying it's only a borrowed action.
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You can definitely give it back or give it away or throw it away.
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Mm-hmm.
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Because as we know, and as you just mentioned. What value?
00:23:59.000 --> 00:24:02.000
Is there in arguing in a parking lot? Your parking place. You pulled in front of me any kind of road rage.
00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:08.000
Right. Right.
00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:12.000
Where is the value and i share quite a bit that there is no Or show me where that value is.
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:14.000
Correct.
00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:24.000
That you can take with you. To later the next day, next week, next year.
00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:31.000
Mm-hmm.
00:24:31.000 --> 00:24:32.000
Mm-hmm.
00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:41.000
Where can you take that anger or even the hate that may develop Or even what may turn into a prejudice toward that other person And there's some 43 different types of prejudice from color to age to financial status even their looks.
00:24:41.000 --> 00:24:42.000
Right. Mm-hmm.
00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:46.000
Can be a prejudice. And if we learn that from that situation.
00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:58.000
Of yelling in the parking lot we can still take, and again, don't want to get too science-y as you're mentioning.
00:24:58.000 --> 00:24:59.000
Mm-hmm.
00:24:59.000 --> 00:25:05.000
But we can still take that pattern from the yelling in that parking lot with somebody who was just as… let's just call it wrong.
00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:11.000
And taking it with them Instead of saying, hey, I'm sorry.
00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:15.000
I've got the parking place. I'm sorry you didn't get the parking place.
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:18.000
What would you have done in the same situation?
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:26.000
Right, right. And I think to take it a step further, the power of doing this with your children, when you employ empathy.
00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:35.000
Instead of thinking the worst of them is that they grow up recognizing the best of themselves because their parents thought the best of them in the worst of situations.
00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:45.000
So one of the things that I recognize now as an adult is when I messed up as a child, I didn't have anybody telling me, you know what, you made a mistake, but you're still a great kid.
00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:51.000
You know, your behavior and your choice doesn't define you, that you are separate from your choices.
00:25:51.000 --> 00:26:14.000
And this is something that I work with my son on a lot. He's seven, he's about to be eight, and he's at that age where, you know, he's going to make silly decisions. He's gonna you know make a lot of, that's his job. He's a child. He's going to make a lot of mistakes. And it's our job as his parents to be able to right size for him. Look, you made a mistake, but you're not a bad kid. You're a great kid. You just made a bad choice.
00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:32.000
Because the one thing that we do know to be true is that whatever our parents believe about us, children grow up believing that about themselves.
00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:33.000
So true.
00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:39.000
And you can either build up their self-esteem while they're little or have them spend a lot of money in therapy as adults trying to undo what was done from their childhood. And so if we want to be that person that employs empathy in that parking lot to say, hey, I don't know what you're going through today.
00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:44.000
I don't want to fight you on a parking spot. I'm going to let you have this one. Have a great day.
00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:59.000
You need to be showing that child empathy when they're little. And then they grow up to be the person that actually passes on the empathy to the person in the parking lot. The angry one that gets out of the car and fights probably didn't get a lot of empathy as a child. And so we pass that on generationally.
00:26:59.000 --> 00:27:07.000
And that's kind of what the whole idea is about laying this groundwork with our children of I'm going to think the best of you in this worst situation.
00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:11.000
And I'm going to give you the tools for next time.
00:27:11.000 --> 00:27:12.000
I like that.
00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:21.000
And I'm going to recognize that you're, yeah, and I'm going to recognize that you're a child and you're probably going to get it wrong a hundred more times, but that's what you're supposed to do because you're a child.
00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:28.000
That's right. And we want people to grow beyond that. To learn from what we do.
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:40.000
And then grow to be better next time. And I think from reading on your site and all the great information that's about you and that we've kind of shared some email earlier about that children need modeling.
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.000
Yes.
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:45.000
No, no. In fact, it would the opposite. You need to model imperfection.
00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:51.000
They need to see that model action, not that it has to be perfect I think…
00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:56.000
And be able to model that it's okay, as you've mentioned several times, Jamie, that it's okay to be imperfect.
00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:57.000
Yes. Mm-hmm.
00:27:57.000 --> 00:28:02.000
It's okay to make that mistake. And as I work with people on the business side.
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:14.000
It's better to make that mistake and learn Then not make the mistake and continue doing things sometimes just mediocre Days, weeks, months, even years sometimes.
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:18.000
And say, well, that's the way we've always done it. And when we are growing, and I love what you said earlier also about that learning.
00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:23.000
Mm-hmm.
00:28:23.000 --> 00:28:30.000
That's their job. When we're younger, we don't know a lot. We only know what we've even been taught.
00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:37.000
What we've seen, what has been modeled. For us or we're totally at a loss.
00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:38.000
Correct. Yep.
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:45.000
Learning that going forward. You also talked about losing connection when focusing on control.
00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:54.000
Can you elaborate on what that felt like for you? Maybe how you talk to others how it motivated The search for maybe a different approach.
00:28:54.000 --> 00:29:03.000
Yeah, so one of the, I think one of the primary foundations of having a healthy relationship with your child is connection.
00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:11.000
And when you don't have that connection, which erodes over time, and that happens because of an erosion of trust.
00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:18.000
It happens with an erosion of constantly yelling at your kids, constantly taking things away from them.
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:32.000
The child begins not to trust you. And that loses that connection. So what ends up happening is when the stakes are really high, i.e, you know, they turn 16, they go to their first party, they try their first couple of beers.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:45.000
They don't trust you anymore to call you when they've had some drinks and they need to make that call. They're going to call either another friend who's maybe been drinking or they maybe decide to drink and drive because they're scared of their parents at that point.
00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:49.000
And there may be people that listen to this and think, is it really that deep?
00:29:49.000 --> 00:29:55.000
I would actually push back and say that it is that deep because we are building neural pathways with our children from the time that they are born.
00:29:55.000 --> 00:30:15.000
And those patterns are created when they are very little. And so those senses of safety and connection come in at every single opportunity that we can is either building that connection or repairing when the connection is broken to make sure that when you do make a mistake or you do rupture that connection with your child.
00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:21.000
As the adult in the relationship, as the one with the authority, which is implied.
00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:25.000
As the one with the power, which is implied in the relationship.
00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:33.000
You need to be the one to set that tone and model for them what it looks like to have accountability, what it looks like to say, I made a mistake.
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:47.000
That's what builds that trust again if it's broken. And then that connection is what keeps you bound so that when they are teens, that strong connection that you build and lay that groundwork for during all of these years that are really hard
00:30:47.000 --> 00:30:55.000
They pay off in spades because they trust you. So a lot of the way that I coach is playing the long game.
00:30:55.000 --> 00:31:13.000
So it's not as if you get these immediate corrective fixes where you come to me and you say, hey, I'm dealing with morning power struggles and I'll give you all kinds of tips. Absolutely. And I can help you with that. And I can give you lots of ways to work with your kids about a power struggle in the morning.
00:31:13.000 --> 00:31:27.000
But at the end of the day, it's always going to be about conserving or preserving, I should say, the connection and your relationship first. Because ultimately.
00:31:27.000 --> 00:31:28.000
It must.
00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:38.000
Doesn't that matter more? It should. So the first question that I ask a parent, yeah, it absolutely messed. But the first question I will ask a parent is, well, what do you want? What do you envision about your relationship with your child?
00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:48.000
When you sit down and think about what do you want when your relationship with your child A lot of parents go, well, I haven't thought about that. I just need to be able to get through the mornings.
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:53.000
Great, we'll get there. But think about what do you want in a relationship?
00:31:53.000 --> 00:32:02.000
Do you want trust? Do you want mutual trust? Accountability? Do you want intimacy? Do you want friendship? Do you want respect?
00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:07.000
Because I can tell you that parents that create fear are not respected.
00:32:07.000 --> 00:32:12.000
Because fear cannot exist at the same time as respect. You get one or you get the other.
00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:20.000
So your children either fear you or they respect you, but they do not respect those that they fear. It just doesn't work that way.
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:27.000
It doesn't work that way. And that's one of the things we have to think about is what do we want from the other person?
00:32:27.000 --> 00:32:32.000
And like what you're saying, do we want to fear them? Do you want them to fear you?
00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:33.000
Do you want to be honest with them? Do you want them to be honest with you?
00:32:33.000 --> 00:32:38.000
Mm-hmm. Right.
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:39.000
Do you want to be able to trust them? They have to trust you.
00:32:39.000 --> 00:32:51.000
Do you want them to trust you? Do you want them to… I like that idea. And I can, just as you were talking about that I went back to my high school some of the things that I might have done wrong, if you know what i mean i did wrong. There's no doubt about it. I'm just joking.
00:32:51.000 --> 00:32:55.000
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I did too. I did too. I did too.
00:32:55.000 --> 00:33:11.000
But I didn't trust the end result. Of the situation. I know that's pretty hard to talk the way to put it that way but the end result It's still there even in a parent-child relationship it's Even when we talk about personally
00:33:11.000 --> 00:33:14.000
The end result, those words are not just business.
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:22.000
And maybe there's a different way to say it, but that end result that
00:33:22.000 --> 00:33:23.000
Yeah.
00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:32.000
Correlation that comes out what, and I think as you mentioned earlier, Jamie, what… is it that we're looking for In this situation.
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:41.000
Why do we go to that level And that doesn't mean there's not a time to, hey, enough's enough. This has to stop.
00:33:41.000 --> 00:33:46.000
But in the way that you do it. Can mean the most.
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:47.000
Maintaining the trust. Go ahead.
00:33:47.000 --> 00:34:07.000
Yeah. Yeah, it's not a question of if. And I think this is like a big misunderstanding around authoritative parenting, which is also known in the general kind of social media environment as gentle parenting. I think the biggest misconception is that gentle parenting is just
00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:11.000
We just talk to our kids gently, which is absolutely not true.
00:34:11.000 --> 00:34:18.000
It's actually very boundary based. It's based in parents having authority, but we don't abuse our authority.
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:30.000
We treat our children with respect. We absolutely enforce boundaries, but we do it in a way that doesn't instill fear. We do it in a way that is cooperative, collaborative.
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:37.000
And recognizing that children are children. So we're not treating children as equals. We're treating children equitably.
00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:51.000
We're saying you're a child, you don't have the same brain development as I do. I therefore cannot expect you to do this the exact same way that I do as an adult. I'm going to help you with the tools that you need. But at the end of the day, I do make decisions.
00:34:51.000 --> 00:34:58.000
And sometimes those decisions are going to be decisions that you don't like. Listen, this is how I parent. I'm a parenting coach.
00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:06.000
I piss off my son several times a week. I am absolutely not a permissive parent. And he gets to say to me.
00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:11.000
You make me mad. You're mean. And I say. That might feel mean to you. I get that.
00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:15.000
He has every right to tell me that something feels mean to him.
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:22.000
Because it probably does. He does not like a boundary I've set. He may not like a rule that we have.
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:30.000
He currently right now wants the virtual reality goggles that all the kids are playing and We are absolutely against it. And we're saying a hard no on this.
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:37.000
And he is digging in and wants it. And we've just said asked and answered, buddy. No, you cannot have them. And he does not like that.
00:35:37.000 --> 00:35:52.000
Guess what? He doesn't have to like it. It's my job as the parent to have the authority to be able to stand in my own authority gently and lovingly and say, you know what, it makes sense that this makes you mad because you really want this.
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:59.000
I just, I'm not going to let you have it because I'm your parent and I love you. And this isn't too important of an issue for us.
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:00.000
And that's it.
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:10.000
Excuse me. And is it also Not that he would buy… something that's bad for his goggles.
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:22.000
But someone else could intrigue him to use something that may not be worthy it's not worthy The goggles themselves, right?
00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:25.000
But it's what he could pick up. From
00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:37.000
Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's, I mean, yeah, there's a that's a whole other Yeah, that's what I mean, that's a whole other thing too. Yeah, the dangers and the bad actors that are available online and things like that.
00:36:37.000 --> 00:36:49.000
And so, yeah, but I think my point is, is that there's this big misconception that it's gentle parenting is permissive parenting and that is just absolutely not the case.
00:36:49.000 --> 00:36:59.000
It's very much rooted in authoritative No, I am your parent. We are deciding this for you. However, you have a right to tell me how you feel about it.
00:36:59.000 --> 00:37:05.000
And we can talk about it. But at the end of the day, I am your parent and I may not change my mind.
00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:18.000
And that is up to each parent how they want to handle that. But the point is, is that it is not based around trying to make our kids happy all the time. In fact, trying to make your child happy all the time is going to breed somebody who has zero emotional resilience.
00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:28.000
They need to be able to understand failure and loss. And losing a game and being able to hear the word no and disappointment and rejection.
00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:38.000
So absolutely, those are all part of parenting. And if you are constantly just trying to please your child because you're afraid of them being angry with you, that's a whole other thing.
00:37:38.000 --> 00:37:39.000
That's not being a parent.
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:44.000
But you don't have to But that's not being a parent, but you don't have to do all of those things through force.
00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:50.000
You don't have to do it being an adversary and you don't have to do it in a way that makes your child fear you.
00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:52.000
And I think that's the biggest message.
00:37:52.000 --> 00:38:06.000
And I agree with you there. And I like the way that you bring that across because i I like the thoughts that you're bringing forward. One of the things that I would do is more where we were going.
00:38:06.000 --> 00:38:14.000
If i were to… If you were to be allowed to have these goggles.
00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:15.000
Mm-hmm.
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:25.000
How would you use them? I'm very big on asking the whys what what would you do with them? And how would you know what would be a good video in this situation?
00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:26.000
Or a not so good video. Can you help me with that?
00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:32.000
Right, right.
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:33.000
Yeah.
00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:41.000
And have them explain back about that. And then whenever they do that, ask them Well, what about this? Because there's no doubt, and trust me, I'm still probably the biggest kid as ever.
00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:42.000
Yeah.
00:38:42.000 --> 00:38:47.000
I love having fun. But it's about that.
00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:54.000
Question. What would you do with it? And do you understand?
00:38:54.000 --> 00:39:00.000
How you might learn something that's not good for you If you were to see these other things.
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:08.000
When you see actions on TV, or your video, aren't you going to be more apt to borrow, as you mentioned earlier.
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:11.000
Those same actions in your own life? Help that understanding, be able to ask the children that why question we've heard so much about.
00:39:11.000 --> 00:39:18.000
Right.
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:19.000
Why do you need them?
00:39:19.000 --> 00:39:32.000
Yeah. Yeah, no, it's a great point. We've actually had very similar conversations with him and what we've decided and come to the conclusion on, at least at this age, he's going to be eight next week.
00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:45.000
Is he's too young. He does not understand that yet. He just is not old enough yet to recognize what a bad actor is. And in fairness teenagers don't you know there's adults that go online and pose as other teenagers and
00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:53.000
You know, it's just a scary world. And so as his parents, there's some times where you just have to make a decision that your child doesn't like.
00:39:53.000 --> 00:40:00.000
And so, yeah, but you're right. And these are the kinds of things that you do. You want to encourage critical thinking.
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:08.000
And you want to have your child be a part of it. And our roles change as parents as we get older. And I think this is also hard for parents.
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:15.000
You know, we're caregivers first, like in the first several years of life, we're keeping them alive. We're, you know, changing diapers and feeding them and all those things.
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:26.000
But then at some point that kind of shifts. And when they move into kind of where my son is now, like he's able to do certain things on his own. He can get himself dressed. He can brush his teeth. He can make certain foods by himself.
00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:35.000
So you have to start to kind of move out of that caretaker mode and into a different mode of parenting. And as they get older, that role shifts.
00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:39.000
And you have to be willing to move with the role. So to your point.
00:40:39.000 --> 00:40:45.000
That question is such a great example of being a great coach and a mentor to your child as they get older. And that's how I would coach a parent of a teen.
00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:48.000
Thank you.
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:54.000
When they come to you and ask things like, well, can I go to this party on Saturday? That's a conversation I would encourage a parent to have.
00:40:54.000 --> 00:41:09.000
What do you think is going to happen if there's drinking? What's your plan if something happens? If you do try alcohol, who are you going to call? What's the plan?
00:41:09.000 --> 00:41:10.000
That's right. And I did. So yeah, exactly.
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:24.000
So you are encouraging those thoughts rather than it being a punitive, nope, you can't go because we know they're going to sneak out of their house probably and go anyway. Or… just not Which is what I did. Or yeah, exactly. Or just blanket saying, yes, you can go and being blind to the fact that there's not an exit plan. There's no plan for anything.
00:41:24.000 --> 00:41:25.000
So, you know, having these yeah
00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:34.000
To let them go. Sorry to interrupt you, but just to let them go and then just be upset because something went wrong.
00:41:34.000 --> 00:41:35.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:41.000
When we didn't teach them, when we didn't prepare them, as you were mentioning earlier, Jamie, didn't prepare them that this These are things that could go wrong. What would you do in these situations? Asking those questions that's
00:41:41.000 --> 00:41:50.000
Right. Yeah, they have to be able to think for themselves in the moment. And if they're just constantly fed everything by their parents.
00:41:50.000 --> 00:42:00.000
That is not happening for them because they'll freeze in the moment. So yeah, a lot of it, especially as they get older into those teen years, needs to be, well, what would you do? What's your plan? How would you handle this?
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:01.000
Yeah.
00:42:01.000 --> 00:42:08.000
And that trust earlier you talked about which i think comes up again right here that when you're asking those questions.
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:13.000
I want to touch another point in a minute, but when you're asking those questions.
00:42:13.000 --> 00:42:15.000
The questions of intelligence. There's questions of Well, right. What would I do?
00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:18.000
Yes.
00:42:18.000 --> 00:42:24.000
And Johnny does this and Jenny does that. Sammy does this. Susie does that.
00:42:24.000 --> 00:42:28.000
What would I do? Someone else has been harmed.
00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:30.000
In situations like this so how How should… How will I?
00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:35.000
Correct.
00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:36.000
Mm-hmm.
00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:40.000
Handle the same situation when it's presented to me. And as you… No, go ahead, please.
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:57.000
Yeah, and there's also, sorry, I was just going to add on to that There's also implied trust in that, right? So when a teen comes to you and says something, you know, they're looking so much for autonomy and that independence. And that's really the time that even developmentally and brain wise.
00:42:57.000 --> 00:43:04.000
There's actual reasons why they act like we are, they're allergic to us.
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:11.000
Like they have to know they look, you know, they have to know how to live on their own. And so they are testing that constantly with us.
00:43:11.000 --> 00:43:24.000
But when you actually give them the opportunity to think. And not just tell them what to do, but to say, well, what's your plan for that? Or what do you think about this? Or how would we handle this? Or what's our exit plan for this?
00:43:24.000 --> 00:43:52.000
You give them, you're implying that I trust you. I trust you to think through this. I want to have a conversation with you. I want to hear what you have to say. And there's so much about that that is not adversarial. It is, there's a problem and together let's talk through what the solutions would be. And that puts you and your child on the side of whatever the problem is and them together with you rather than it's you versus your child against a problem.
00:43:52.000 --> 00:43:53.000
And that can be very powerful.
00:43:53.000 --> 00:44:01.000
Very well said. That can. And the other point I was thinking about as you were talking about these, Jamie, and you're making some excellent points.
00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:08.000
About a child being young. As I work with a lot of adults, I don't work on the child side much. I definitely will refer them to you.
00:44:08.000 --> 00:44:10.000
Yeah.
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:22.000
I do work with some of the parents and what I'm seeing and hearing, I also work with senior leaders in corporations sometimes it's sometimes it's We, as I mentioned earlier.
00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:24.000
About culture. It's not that someone is necessarily childish, even though sometimes they do act childish.
00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:30.000
Mm-hmm.
00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:36.000
Because of their actions. But one of the things that i noticed is There's just something we haven't learned.
00:44:36.000 --> 00:44:48.000
We haven't been in that situation, so we don't know how to act And too many times we react And that learning process, again, I mentioned earlier, the culture.
00:44:48.000 --> 00:44:54.000
What we've learned whether we've are three years old, eight years old, 18 years old.
00:44:54.000 --> 00:45:03.000
Are 50 years old. It's what we learned that we borrow as you mentioned from others and how we act or react.
00:45:03.000 --> 00:45:04.000
So how can we also look at that as Yep, you're a child. It's your job.
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:09.000
Mm-hmm.
00:45:09.000 --> 00:45:14.000
But also an adult that didn't have that learning.
00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:15.000
Didn't have that didn't have that
00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:33.000
Right. Yeah, it's a good question. And, you know, a lot of the, I think, tools that I help parents with absolutely apply to relationships outside of parenting. It applies in corporations. It applies everywhere. I mean, it's really around relationship-based, connection-based. And so that can go anywhere
00:45:33.000 --> 00:45:46.000
And so I love that you kind of drew that in there. I think one of the things, one of the first things that I do and talk about with parents a lot is their own history. So, you know, I'm a parent centric coach. I don't actually work with children at all. I'm only working with the parents.
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:47.000
Okay.
00:45:47.000 --> 00:46:07.000
And we talk a lot about history because it informs our present. And even just being able to make sense of our past and bringing that to our awareness can really help us understand like, oh, wow, that's probably why I do react that way. Because when I was a kid, this is how it was. And just bringing that up as an awareness.
00:46:07.000 --> 00:46:10.000
But another thing that we do is we talk about anchors.
00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:26.000
And an anchor is something that we have that's like a little tool in a toolbox for parents when they start to recognize that they're getting to a place of reactivity. And this takes practice. So this is certainly not just like a one session and then all of a sudden you know when you're reactive because we actually feel before we think.
00:46:26.000 --> 00:46:40.000
People think that you think before you feel, but it's the opposite. So our bodies and brain are so smart that we will feel a feeling and our bodies will react before our brain can cognitively even understand what we have done often.
00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:45.000
So that old question of why did you just do what you did like that you say to a child?
00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:56.000
The reason why they freeze and go, I don't know, is because they had a feeling And then their body went with that feeling before their brain even cognitively knew what they were doing.
00:46:56.000 --> 00:47:05.000
So they literally don't know because their brain couldn't put together a thought. They operated from feeling. We feel before we think. And that goes for adults as well.
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It does. And that ability to say, I don't know is powerful.
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So… Well, it is powerful. So you have to recognize when those feelings are coming up. What does it look like? How do you feel? Do your shoulders go up? Do you start to get sweaty palms? Does your heart start to race? Does your face flush? Does your forehead start to sweat? I know.
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:49.000
When I'm about to absolutely lose my ever loving you-know-what on my son because I have these the things that happen in my body and i have anchors And I know what they are. And so I can then recognize like, okay, I need to put my hands flat on something or I need to look at something that I know to be true in the room. Like that light is bright or whatever it is. People find those anchors for them and that anchors them in the present and that
00:47:49.000 --> 00:48:04.000
Immediately starts to calm that nervous system that is about to go into fight or flight that's about to put you off into the ethos and have you completely lose your mind on your son or your coworker or your spouse
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You anchor yourself and you take a couple of deep breaths and you say, I am feeling overwhelmed or whatever word you need to say.
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And you just take a moment. And this is practice. Again, this is not something that anybody gets on the first time. But I tell you that once you start to recognize these physical cues.
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You get pretty darn good at knowing before you react, I'm about to pop off and I need to take a second.
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And the more that parents can do this and model that for their kids.
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And say like, hey, I'm about to get really upset. I need a minute.
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My son now will tell us When he gets off the bus sometimes from school, he'll say, I need to be alone for a while. I need some time. The bus was really loud. I just need 30 minutes. He's seven.
00:48:47.000 --> 00:48:48.000
Wow.
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I didn't know. I didn't know that I needed alone time and was getting really overwhelmed by too many people and too much noise until about two years ago. I'm 46.
00:48:57.000 --> 00:49:13.000
He's seven. And it's because I model that for him. I tell him like, whoa, the noise is too much in here. And over time, we've worked with him to start to kind of figure out like, well, what's happening with this? And we'll ask him, does that feel right? Or he'll tell us, well, I don't know. I just feel this off the bus.
00:49:13.000 --> 00:49:22.000
Maybe you need some alone time. So over time, he's learning what he needs. And so now some days he comes home and he's like, I need to be alone for a little bit.
00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:28.000
Okay. And 30 minutes later, inevitably, he'll come back and he's in a way better mood.
00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:29.000
And that may be a good time to talk also after that 30 minutes.
00:49:29.000 --> 00:49:49.000
So Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, everybody has things. So one of the tools that I would recommend for anybody, whether it's in corporate or parents or relationships.
00:49:49.000 --> 00:49:50.000
Yeah.
00:49:50.000 --> 00:50:06.000
Recognize those feelings that come up in your body before you lose your mind, before you explode, and then find that anchor, something that can anchor you literally to the ground in front of you that grounds you, whether it's a couple of deep breaths, whether it's holding something hard in front of you like a counter, pushing against the wall can be very helpful. Anything that really brings you back to the present and gets you out of your
00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:14.000
Mind a little bit and into your physical presence because that's the first step in really being aware of your reactivity.
00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:17.000
And we talk about that in coaching.
00:50:17.000 --> 00:50:24.000
That's beautiful. I like the way you think about that. If it can, your vision is without a doubt powerful.
00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:29.000
It's a word. It's a world we're children. Can feel heard.
00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:51.000
Seen, loved, and valued. Can you help me with the practical steps So we've talked about, but what practical steps can take today or can we take today to move closer to that vision with more people what steps Are you helping us with to be able to take those steps? I love what you're doing. Your vision is powerful.
00:50:51.000 --> 00:50:59.000
What steps can we take? And helping each other, as you say borrow a time How can I act? How can other parents act?
00:50:59.000 --> 00:51:04.000
To make that those practical steps, take those practical steps going forward.
00:51:04.000 --> 00:51:22.000
I think the biggest thing that I would say to anyone, whether it's a parent actually or not, but specifically to parents, because children are so young and they are just so underdeveloped in their brains is that it's not personal. It's developmental.
00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:29.000
And if you can remember that mantra. When they're challenging you. So, you know, I'll give you an example.
00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:41.000
Children tend to be quite demanding when they're asking for things. And one of the biggest triggers for parents then I get it is manners, right? So your child comes into the kitchen and they're like, make me some pancakes.
00:51:41.000 --> 00:51:47.000
And usually that triggers parents to say I didn't hear a please in there.
00:51:47.000 --> 00:51:57.000
And, you know, because what do we want? We want kind children that go out into the world as adults and use their manners and have all the things, right? So of course, that's what we're going to do.
00:51:57.000 --> 00:52:04.000
That wasn't personal. They were not trying to be rude. They were not trying to be disrespectful. They're simply trying to get their needs met.
00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:15.000
So instead of being triggered by that, remember that they're five, six, seven, however old they are, they only have that many years on earth. You have decades of time on them of practicing those manners.
00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:21.000
And you also have a brain that tells you ordered thinking of I have a want, I need to express that want.
00:52:21.000 --> 00:52:32.000
Then I need to make sure socially that I do something, which is the outcome of that is I need to do it in a way that's pleasing to someone else. There's actually a lot of steps in the brain that that takes to do that.
00:52:32.000 --> 00:52:40.000
So when you remember it's not personal, it's developmental in that moment, instead of going, I didn't hear a please, you can go.
00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:52.000
Mommy, mommy, can I please have some pancakes? And just model back what you want to hear. You don't need to be offended. You don't need to be frustrated by it. And they'll inevitably go, oh, sorry, mommy, can I please have some pancakes? And they'll model it back to you. And remember when they get it wrong.
00:52:52.000 --> 00:52:54.000
Okay.
00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:58.000
They're not terrible kids. They just got it wrong. We all get it wrong.
00:52:58.000 --> 00:53:03.000
And so I think the biggest thing is just remembering it's not personal, it's developmental.
00:53:03.000 --> 00:53:13.000
And empathy. Empathy, empathy, empathy. This is what moves the needle to feeling seen, heard, understood, valued joy.
00:53:13.000 --> 00:53:17.000
Just employ some empathy when your child is upset, you're upset.
00:53:17.000 --> 00:53:21.000
I see that. Don't move to fix it. Don't move to fix it. You don't have to fix it.
00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:33.000
And one of the things That's exactly right. I love what you're saying there too because I know, as my dad would have said is I'd love some too. You want to work with me? Let's make some together?
00:53:33.000 --> 00:53:39.000
Yeah, that's another great way to handle it. I love that.
00:53:39.000 --> 00:53:40.000
Yeah.
00:53:40.000 --> 00:53:44.000
It's from my dad. That's what I learned from him it's because he was one of those He taught me a lot of how to cook and it was amazing. He taught me how to make grilled cheese sandwiches when I was barely old enough to
00:53:44.000 --> 00:53:48.000
Yeah.
00:53:48.000 --> 00:53:49.000
To flip them on the stove.
00:53:49.000 --> 00:54:05.000
Yeah, that's a great, and see, that's actually a way that you maintain connection, right? And build connection. And now you have these… beautiful memories of cooking with your dad. So that's beautiful. I mean, that's such a great way to respond to a child like, gosh, pancakes do sound good. Would you please come help me?
00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:17.000
So, you know, I always am using manners with my son. I'm constantly modeling. Buddy, can you please go get your shoes? Buddy, can you please tie your shoes? It's time to go to the car. Can you please go put that away? This needs to be done, please. Thank you so much.
00:54:17.000 --> 00:54:34.000
And as he gets older, I trust that that being modeled to him is probably going to actually have a lot more of an effect on how he ends up showing up in the world because I'm told constantly when he's in other kids houses, play dates and things like that.
00:54:34.000 --> 00:54:37.000
Oh, he uses his manners. He puts his dishes away. He's great.
00:54:37.000 --> 00:54:45.000
As long as I know that I'm doing something right when he's outside of the house, if he's going to get it wrong at home, isn't that where he's supposed to mess up?
00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:47.000
Don't we want our kids messing up with us? Isn't that where they're supposed to be safe?
00:54:47.000 --> 00:54:51.000
That's right. That's so true. It is. And it's taking it back to that pancake story. That is one of the best ones to work with with kids in cooking.
00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:57.000
Yeah.
00:54:57.000 --> 00:55:03.000
I used to spell my kid's name, my two children and daughter, my son daughter names out in Pancake Better on the stove.
00:55:03.000 --> 00:55:04.000
Love it.
00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:15.000
And then let them flip it. It's definitely a team effort instead of Of course, we could do the same thing that you said, but I didn't hear a please.
00:55:15.000 --> 00:55:18.000
But that's going to go the next direction is yes Is that something we can do?
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:21.000
Yeah.
00:55:21.000 --> 00:55:24.000
And can we make figures with the pancake batter? That makes a fun and joyful process to them.
00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:28.000
Yeah. I love that. Yeah.
00:55:28.000 --> 00:55:37.000
Yeah, we'll have about five more minutes left. I mean, this has been awesome and i love talking with you and working with you, time just seems to flow by. It seems like we've been doing this for like about 10 minutes.
00:55:37.000 --> 00:55:39.000
It did. I know. Yeah.
00:55:39.000 --> 00:55:46.000
Here we are at an hour. So one of the things with what you do And as I mentioned.
00:55:46.000 --> 00:55:51.000
It's amazing what you're putting together and it's so powerful As we're closing here.
00:55:51.000 --> 00:55:59.000
What is one key takeaway that we want our listeners to remember.
00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:00.000
Hmm.
00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:11.000
About that power in connection parenting. What do you think is one good key takeaway And then as you finish that, how can we contact you to take our step a little bit further forward.
00:56:11.000 --> 00:56:21.000
So I think the biggest takeaway outside of kind of the things we've already talked about is that Parents set the tone for the relationship with their child.
00:56:21.000 --> 00:56:35.000
And so you as parents have all of the control. You have all of the power. And if right now you feel like something isn't working, if you feel like you're constantly battling your children, if you're an adult.
00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:41.000
And you have an adult child that you are struggling with in a relationship.
00:56:41.000 --> 00:56:45.000
As the parent, you are still the one that sets that tone.
00:56:45.000 --> 00:56:50.000
And so you do have the power to change the dynamic. Even if your children are adults now.
00:56:50.000 --> 00:57:07.000
You still are the one. You are still, the attachment is still there between an adult child and a parent. And so you have so much more power than you realize. And when you shift When you shift your focus, your mindset, your beliefs, your
00:57:07.000 --> 00:57:27.000
Attitudes about your children, when you start believing what they're capable of and kind of responding to them with more curiosity, more empathy, more kindness, more joy, just remembering how delightful they are, delighting in your children they shift, they automatically start to shift. They will naturally shift the way that you're shifting.
00:57:27.000 --> 00:57:33.000
And so I think that's the biggest takeaway is that you have all of the power to change whatever it is that you're struggling with with your kids.
00:57:33.000 --> 00:57:41.000
And this goes for even if you're dealing with really massive behavioral issues. It doesn't mean that you can maybe fix all of those problems.
00:57:41.000 --> 00:57:42.000
Right.
00:57:42.000 --> 00:57:51.000
But you can certainly, certainly start to change the tone of the dynamic to make a safer environment to start to try and problem solve what's going on.
00:57:51.000 --> 00:57:56.000
And so you have so much more power in this relationship than you think that you do.
00:57:56.000 --> 00:57:57.000
And so when you shift your mindset. Your children will naturally shift.
00:57:57.000 --> 00:58:01.000
That is so true.
00:58:01.000 --> 00:58:02.000
And I see it over and over again.
00:58:02.000 --> 00:58:11.000
And I like what you… That's amazing. I love what you're doing. It's just awesome. And just going back to one of the slides, one of my slides in the beginning.
00:58:11.000 --> 00:58:15.000
When we talk about that power, some of that power is in the center of empowerment.
00:58:15.000 --> 00:58:16.000
Absolutely.
00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:26.000
And empowering our children to be able to do A little bit more. And as you said too, asking those questions What would you do with that if you had that?
00:58:26.000 --> 00:58:30.000
What would you do with it if you were going to go to that party?
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:31.000
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:58:31.000 --> 00:58:36.000
What would happen if? And to bring that forward. That's awesome. Jamie, thank you so much. Now, I had your link to the website earlier on the screen. Is that the best way to get hold of you?
00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:47.000
Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So you can find me on my website. It's www.thereparentcoach.com.
00:58:47.000 --> 00:58:58.000
And its repair as in repairing a car or repairing a relationship. And then ENT, coach.com. And I'm also at the Repair at Coach on Instagram and Facebook.
00:58:58.000 --> 00:59:01.000
Excellent. Great. Well, I hope people get in touch with you.
00:59:01.000 --> 00:59:09.000
You brought up so many ideas to us. And things that hope we can share with more parents Even ourselves talking to others.
00:59:09.000 --> 00:59:10.000
Jamie, thank you so much. I appreciate you being here. Thank you for your time.
00:59:10.000 --> 00:59:12.000
Yes.
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:20.000
If you want to get in contact with her, please go to her website, let her know. It'll get in contact with me, please go to Marketrickin.com.
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:23.000
Would love to talk with you. It's all about us working together.
00:59:23.000 --> 00:59:32.000
Creating solutions, one reality at a time. Thank you all. Jamie, thank you again.
00:59:32.000 --> 00:59:33.000
Yes, thank you so much, Mark. It's been a pleasure.
00:59:33.000 --> 00:59:48.000
It's a pleasure. Let's talk again soon. Thank you. And for everyone else, in a couple of days this webinar on this podcast will be on the website on the markentrican.com as you see right there forward slash podcast. I'll be able to see this and be able to watch this again if you'd like.
00:59:48.000 --> 00:59:51.000
We'd love to have your feedback. Please let us know. Thank you all.
00:59:51.000 --> 00:59:59.000
Cheers
