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Mark Entrekin: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the achieving unity.
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Mark Entrekin: success, formula, the formula for us all to be able to to achieve success by working together, building together and growing together.
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Mark Entrekin: This is a weekly podcast we'll talk more about in a second.
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Mark Entrekin: If you would like, there is a free advertise achieving unity guide available to you. Just click.
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Mark Entrekin: select the QR code on the bottom right of the screen. Thank you for being here early.
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Mark Entrekin: We appreciate you and what you do in making this world a better place.
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Mark Entrekin: reality, focus dynamics. That's my company reality, focus dynamics, creating success focus solutions.
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Mark Entrekin: one reality at a time. And that's what we deal with everything in life. We deal with the realities. What's in front of us?
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Mark Entrekin: Where do we want to be?
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Mark Entrekin: Where we're going?
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Mark Entrekin: And how do we get there?
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Mark Entrekin: Talk more about that in a second?
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Mark Entrekin: This is our 2 unity, success, formula, Weekly, podcast.
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Mark Entrekin: It is on every Wednesday, one pm. Pacific. Time. 4 pm. Eastern time, and thank you for coming.
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Mark Entrekin: Excuse me with an allergy cold flu virus that goes around
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Mark Entrekin: the QR. Code down the bottom right will tell you more about the podcast and help you register. It'll also tell you about who our upcoming guests are. If you have guests that you'd like to see. Please let me know. And we'll work on getting them on
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Mark Entrekin: or to the next podcast.
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Mark Entrekin: Reality-focused dynamics delivers those success-focused solutions
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Mark Entrekin: contact us today for more information on using agile and lean outside of software.
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Mark Entrekin: Now for many people, that's French, what is Mark talking about?
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Mark Entrekin: Well, agile is the ability to create and respond to changes and improvements, mostly in the business environment. But I'll show you in a second an example, how we can do it also at home
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Mark Entrekin: agile, and the different methodologies under the agile manifesto, enable success in uncertain and possibly struggling environments by emphasizing adaptability to better collaboration and communication.
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Mark Entrekin: Lean is a methodology focused on maximizing value by minimizing waste.
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Mark Entrekin: by optimizing our processes through continuous improvement, effectiveness
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Mark Entrekin: and efficiency. Doesn't that sound great? It's a way for us to
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Mark Entrekin: show what we've accomplished on a day-to-day basis week by week basis and see that we're not just working. But we are accomplishing goals.
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Mark Entrekin: The philosophy can be used in every discipline.
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Mark Entrekin: from small business to large corporations, to legal firms, to doctors, to plumbers, any vertical it could be used.
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Mark Entrekin: including our homes.
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A G: Email.
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Mark Entrekin: Connect with me, and I'll show you how to do that, how to break all issues, products and services and activities from the most complex business projects, including rocket science, to the basic steps of training our teenagers.
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Mark Entrekin: That's the best way for us to do. If we can train our teenagers, we are in perfect shape.
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Mark Entrekin: Here's a way we can do that. If you're a busy family, you have busy mornings, you family breakfast. Seems like everyone has somewhere to go from work to school to many other events and locations.
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Mark Entrekin: If you want to help resolve some of those issues, one of the things that you can do is have a family stand up meeting each evening.
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Mark Entrekin: During that meeting everyone shares their tasks for the next day, and especially that next morning, for getting ready.
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Mark Entrekin: Place sticky notes on the refrigerator with chores and responsibilities. Then each person can move that sticky note from to do something they need to be doing something needs to get done to done because they've completed it.
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Mark Entrekin: This minimizes decision, fatigue, and we're all in a rush. We all have so much to do. We're all doing so many things at once.
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Mark Entrekin: This reduces that fatigue
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Mark Entrekin: and also reduces the time spent searching for items that can help everyone participate in a smoother
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Mark Entrekin: and more efficient and effective process.
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Mark Entrekin: achieving unity through encouragement, inspiration, and inclusion. EII. Encouragement, can be that powerful force, that powerful force that fuels the core of empowerment
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Mark Entrekin: power is the core right in a center of empowerment.
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Mark Entrekin: We can encourage others to help accomplish the task that we need to complete, inspire inspiration.
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Mark Entrekin: inspire each other. To achieve every goal.
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Mark Entrekin: Unity makes us a successful team.
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Mark Entrekin: We rise by lifting others, inclusion, including others, and celebrating every victory. Victory helps us both personally and professionally.
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Mark Entrekin: Together. We can overcome every challenge, every single challenge we come across, empower through encouragement.
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Mark Entrekin: ignite inspiration, and celebrate inclusion.
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Mark Entrekin: Together, we can achieve the extraordinary.
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Mark Entrekin: Are you facing relationship challenges? Possibly parenting difficulties. We'll cover some of the issues from that later on today. But right now, are you or someone, you know.
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Mark Entrekin: struggling with relationship issues or parenting time issues. Maybe as a divorced parent divorcing parent.
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Mark Entrekin: it's tough. It's tough. Our judicial system, our court system. It's not as
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Mark Entrekin: fair and justice for all as we'd like it to be.
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Mark Entrekin: but we can transform that frustration into understanding with what the frustration. It all originates from frustration.
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Mark Entrekin: That's where it comes from.
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Mark Entrekin: So where is the value in our actions? It's about managing that frustration and not not being angry.
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Mark Entrekin: We must realize that anger holds no value.
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Mark Entrekin: Anger, a, NGER. Actions not gaining effective results. That's all. Anger is just actions. We make
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Mark Entrekin: actions that we do that are not gaining effective results.
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Mark Entrekin: Life happens from personal relationships to parenting, time, to prenuptial agreements and nuptials not required. A lot of people aren't getting married anymore.
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Mark Entrekin: but we can learn to embrace and enjoy every moment and every challenge together.
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Mark Entrekin: if you like, come out to the site achieving unity through the power of encouraging, inspiring, and including others.
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Mark Entrekin: personally and professionally. Let's just talk about what happens at home
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Mark Entrekin: with our friends socially down at the restaurant, in the corporations, associations, organizations, and universities. It fits in everywhere.
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Mark Entrekin: Go to our site with QR. Code on the left. That's the website, home.
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Mark Entrekin: If you have questions or would like to contact us. Go to the QR code on the right.
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Mark Entrekin: ask us questions. We do want to hear from you
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Mark Entrekin: again, this is a weekly podcast next week we have Marty Winter Adams coming to talk to us.
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Mark Entrekin: Women's motivation before.
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Mark Entrekin: during and after divorce life does happen, but we can make it better, and Marty will come. Talk to us about that.
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Mark Entrekin: That's on February 12th the next week, Alyssa Bakar
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Mark Entrekin: being in business and doing it right.
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Mark Entrekin: Women business owners need to be at this one.
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Mark Entrekin: Everyone needs to be at it, but especially how she helps women move forward and we can make it
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Mark Entrekin: together.
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Mark Entrekin: Part of achieving unity. That's on February 19, th
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Mark Entrekin: the next week, Annette Evans Wilson.
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Mark Entrekin: she will come and talk about, know yourself enjoying an authentic life.
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Mark Entrekin: We're not being ourselves. Who are we being?
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Mark Entrekin: There is only one of us. So come, join us. February 26.th Talk to Annette
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Mark Entrekin: next week after that march 5.th Frank said, Dominesis Dominicus, I have trouble with his name, great friend, only for years.
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Mark Entrekin: Leading teams and driving change.
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Mark Entrekin: How many times do we encounter change.
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Mark Entrekin: Daily change comes. So how can we lead teams to the driving changes that we see come about every day.
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Mark Entrekin: turn those changes into short-term ideas, into long-term improvements.
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Mark Entrekin: Week after that we have Raja by Vadeya.
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Mark Entrekin: He's talking about invisible disabilities to increase your profitabilities. He'll be talking about personal challenges, physical challenges. Sometimes that we don't think about
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Mark Entrekin: be a great podcast please join us. That's on March 12, th and there are many more. We will go on sorry we will be going on every Wednesday throughout the year. Please come back. We'll be here every week for you.
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Mark Entrekin: Well, now, here's the 1st of our 2 guests that we were talking with today.
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Mark Entrekin: Agape. Garcia is a leader in this comprehensive program which covers a range of critical topics.
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Mark Entrekin: This is including where awareness, resource, identification, recognizing patterns of abuse.
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Mark Entrekin: skill, building for communication and boundary setting and creating personalized safety plans
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Mark Entrekin: each week, building safe futures, focuses on a specific theme.
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Mark Entrekin: building upon the earlier session to provide a holistic understanding of domestic violence.
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Mark Entrekin: We want it to end.
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Mark Entrekin: We want to be planting the seed for a secure and thriving future
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Mark Entrekin: one of our websites. We are just starting, and it is the 3 of us just starting. But one of the ways you can get a hold of us get a hold of us is through building safe futures.com. We'll have our site up soon. Right now. It just goes to my reality, focused dynamic site. But still contact us, communicate with us any way that you can.
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Mark Entrekin: Also, we have Regina Harmon.
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Mark Entrekin: She's also a leader in our comprehensive program, working on specific themes.
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Mark Entrekin: building upon the earlier sessions to provide a holistic understanding of domestic violence.
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Mark Entrekin: Participants will engage in interactive workshops in our program.
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Mark Entrekin: She'll work with hearing from guest speakers. She'll help us get those guest speakers with lived experience.
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Mark Entrekin: She also will lead in participating in practical exercises designed to translate learning into action.
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Mark Entrekin: It's great to learn different things.
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Mark Entrekin: The more we can do with what we learn and put it into action the better we are.
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Mark Entrekin: The program also emphasizes the importance of self-care and emotional well-being for survivors and advocates. Please tell me, welcome agape, and Regina
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Mark Entrekin: slide my screen's over, but everybody on the screen.
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Mark Entrekin: Give me just a second.
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Mark Entrekin: There we are. We're gonna be pinning copy first, st then Regina next.
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Mark Entrekin: Alright. We both have you both there. How are you agape. Regina, how is your day going.
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A G: Good. Thank you for having us here.
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Mark Entrekin: You are quite welcome. Thank you for taking the time to be here.
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Mark Entrekin: so is you need to unmute or let me unmute you.
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Mark Entrekin: Are you there.
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Regina Hiremath: Hello!
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Mark Entrekin: There you are! Great, thank you.
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Mark Entrekin: How is your day going.
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Regina Hiremath: My day is going well.
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Mark Entrekin: Okay.
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Mark Entrekin: Well, I think one of the things that we want to start with from the 3 of us as putting this together. And I know I am overly excited about working with the 2 of you.
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Mark Entrekin: but when we talk about the program
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Mark Entrekin: and we talk about what we're going to do let me talk about 1st from each of you.
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Mark Entrekin: What do you think are our 1st steps, and where we need to go and where we need to go next.
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Mark Entrekin: What's our 1st step, Agapi? What is your what are your 1st thoughts.
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A G: Well, I think that the 1st steps is general awareness. Having awareness, definitely brings a heightened sense of understanding, and being able to detect or determine the things around you. I call it situational awareness, and once you are able to identify certain patterns and or behaviors, then it allows you to see things from a different perspective, and gives you the knowledge and understanding that's needed to make informed decisions for yourself
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A G: or those that you love.
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Mark Entrekin: Thank you. That is so true, and helping all that process moving forward. Regina, what are your thoughts.
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Regina Hiremath: I would have to agree with agape. I think that awareness
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Regina Hiremath: is key when you're dealing with domestic violence because it's
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Regina Hiremath: typically in the shadows, and people don't really talk about it, and when the topic is brought up
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Regina Hiremath: it makes people really uncomfortable. So I think the more that we can share information and all understand that this is
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Regina Hiremath: a plague on our society, and it's going to take all of us to help to eradicate it.
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Mark Entrekin: And I like what both you are saying. That's why I think we're going to work very well together. Because, speaking from the male side, the mail, the man side, and what we see. It's hard sometimes for us to
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Mark Entrekin: recognize or believe what is violence.
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Mark Entrekin: and I think, as both of you are saying, and I think it's what copy just kind of reached out in the beginning.
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Mark Entrekin: What is it that we're talking about?
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Mark Entrekin: Is it something that we all do?
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Mark Entrekin: Or is it something that a few do?
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Mark Entrekin: Is it something that we can work with as I think we are gonna be working on?
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Mark Entrekin: We are gonna be working on is training and educating people on
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Mark Entrekin: the negativity of violence that any sort of violence.
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Mark Entrekin: physical or mental, can be dangerous.
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Mark Entrekin: What can we do first? st How do we help?
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Mark Entrekin: How are we going to help get others onto this program?
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Mark Entrekin: So we can talk to them about understanding violence and
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Mark Entrekin: that the anger is nothing more than actions. It's not gaining effective results.
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Mark Entrekin: How are we going to do that first? st
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A G: Well, that's the challenge. Right?
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A G: I mean, I jump into facts very quickly, and statistics some facts that I'll share immediately is that
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A G: domestic violence calls are the most riskiest calls for police officers to respond to.
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A G: and when news feeds come across my desk and I'm seeing that people are being neighborly, and they're realizing that the scaffold is going on next door, and they're tired of seeing, you know this perpetrator show up, and they go over there to assist, and their lives are taken.
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A G: So when your emotions are involved.
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A G: you don't know how far somebody is going to take the love that they have for someone else
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A G: a majority. A majority of us.
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A G: you know, have control over our emotions, and a majority of us don't. There are triggers. There are anger issues. There are things that help us black out, and we don't even understand the actions that we took.
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A G: I was being serious in the beginning, and I'm going to crack a little joke, but if you know who the she-hulk is, most people know who the hulk is, but if you know the hulk and the she-hulk. Stan Lee was a very wise person, because
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A G: those 2 characters have superhuman powers. Right? The angrier they get, the more destructive they become. But they feel that happening. And they're going through this physiological change. And sometimes they have the wisdom to retreat instead of react.
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A G: And that's where that training comes in for everybody across the board starting from, you know, teenagers with the teen dating violence all the way to, you know, through adulthood into the workplace. I mean you name it the public sector. It doesn't matter. The statistics of domestic violence, one out of 3 women, one out of 4 men, one out of 15 children are exposed, and
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A G: 90% of them are actually eyewitnesses.
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A G: So we can, we have so much information to share and so many things to bring to light just for that awareness and the continuation of the training that I think everybody can and should benefit from.
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Mark Entrekin: I am. It amazes me. You got me again, one in 3 women.
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Mark Entrekin: one in 4 men, one in 15. Children, are impacted by violence.
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A G: That's right.
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Mark Entrekin: That that is amazing. It's something that.
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Mark Entrekin: And I'm glad we are working this and being the host of the podcast. I get to ask a lot of questions I know the answer to, but I'm gonna ask them, anyway. What is it? Maybe, Regina, can I turn this over to you?
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Mark Entrekin: What is it that makes us think that violence is ever valuable.
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Regina Hiremath: Typically that happens when someone grew up in a home full of violence.
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Regina Hiremath: From childhood we learn how to deal with our anger. We learn how to deal with our emotions, and if we grew up in a home with someone who was unbalanced emotionally.
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Regina Hiremath: they pass that on to us.
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Regina Hiremath: and as adults we come, you know, with all of this stuff that we grew up with, and unless we
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Regina Hiremath: tear that down unless we seek therapy and we change those patterns and routines, then we just repeat it in adulthood. And even though probably grow up saying, I don't want to be like
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Regina Hiremath: my parents, I don't want to be like my household, it's a learned behavior. And so, in order to change that, you definitely have to do some sort of deep work to remove that from
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Regina Hiremath: from your your mind and your heart.
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Mark Entrekin: It's a mindset change, isn't it?
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Regina Hiremath: Yes.
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Mark Entrekin: It's again. What I think I'm hearing you say is our culture
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Mark Entrekin: when we're what's it? From the time we're born till 2 or 3 or so years old. We're pretty open to other people. We don't
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Mark Entrekin: care about the color or the race, the ideas or the concepts that we've made these mental constructs of. We don't care that someone may be physically challenged.
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Mark Entrekin: We love people at that age.
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Regina Hiremath: Right.
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Mark Entrekin: And then in our culture, the people that we are around the television shows that we watch
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Mark Entrekin: the things that we see on the news or the media. And now, of course, social media
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Mark Entrekin: too many times lead us down that negative path.
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Mark Entrekin: So we start growing with it right? We start thinking that. Well, Johnny did it. Jamie did it. Susie did it. Sammy did it, I should do it.
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Mark Entrekin: and that's just not right.
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Mark Entrekin: Right.
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Regina Hiremath: Right? Yeah, you have to make a conscious decision to
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Regina Hiremath: remove that from your life. If if that's how you grew up. And unfortunately.
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Regina Hiremath: many people don't. They just continue the cycle onto their children, and then it just goes on and on and on.
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Mark Entrekin: Point.
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Mark Entrekin: And Agapi, how do we help people?
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Mark Entrekin: What
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Mark Entrekin: I know, what we're gonna do? I know in this program, we're going to be inviting everyone that we know. We're gonna invite the people that know people we're gonna invite, invite everyone.
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Mark Entrekin: How can we invite the people? And I won't. I? Just. I've mentioned some name. But, Regina, copy both of you. How can we get this across
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Mark Entrekin: to the people that we invite, that there is a better way.
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A G: Well, I think that, like Regina was saying earlier, you know, not in verbatim words, but it's still a very huge social stigma to even talk about like, she said. You kind of want, you know, fade into the back because it's something that we just don't want to consistently have in our face. But you cannot conquer what you choose not to confront. So
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A G: wow.
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A G: that if we try to eliminate some of that social stigma, and really, you know. I don't want to say showcase, but continuously bring up these statistics and let people know, you know. Hey? I'll say it. I am a survivor of a double attempted homicide. Okay, I am a survivor. So.
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Mark Entrekin: I am a survivor. I like that. Please go ahead.
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A G: Thank you. And you know, once somebody is open and vulnerable and showing and sharing their story, then more people will do the same thing. And I've learned this throughout, you know, many years.
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A G: I mean, literally just standing in line talking to someone. All all I need to do is say that. And all of a sudden they open up and they're talking to me about it, you know, and and I feel like once we're able to kind of get over that hump of that stigma, then we'll be able to share more and have a more.
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A G: I I guess I don't want to say broad understanding. But it'll be more receptive to be heard to be to be receiving of the information that we're gonna that we're going to be offering and and giving.
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Mark Entrekin: Yes, I like what you're saying with that, because.
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Regina Hiremath: Okay.
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Mark Entrekin: That opens up so much that people just learn that that
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Mark Entrekin: you wouldn't want to be treated this way right? The other people wouldn't want to be treated. But you've come to a point just listening to agape about your saying
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Mark Entrekin: you will stand up.
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Mark Entrekin: Have you always been that way? Is that something that's always been in your life, and turn this over to Regina also. Have both of you. Have you always been people that will stand up?
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Mark Entrekin: Or was there a time that maybe you weren't quite as strong.
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Mark Entrekin: But you've crossed that threshold, and now you are able just stand up more to speak louder.
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Regina Hiremath: I think that when you've been through violence, either in your childhood or in a partner relationship, it does suppress you in some ways, and it makes it very difficult for you to speak out or to even change your life. But I, too, am a survivor. I'm the quiet side of Dv. In that my abuse was financial and emotional.
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Regina Hiremath: verbal.
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Regina Hiremath: So it took me a long time to even figure out that this was domestic violence, and then, to make a plan to step outside of it. But there's just something incredible that happens that once you step outside of it, and you see how
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Regina Hiremath: you just blossom that I think I could speak for agape, and I know for myself.
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Regina Hiremath: we we know where we were, and we know how we got out, and we want to help others as well. And we want to educate.
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Regina Hiremath: We want to educate, you know the world on.
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Regina Hiremath: you know, just making people aware and helping them to come forward and to join us in the work that we're doing.
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A G: Well, we
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A G: absolutely. And while she was talking I was thinking like so many different chapters in life, right? Like I was saying earlier teenager, you know. Sometimes you're afraid
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A G: to tell anybody. You're ashamed to tell anybody you don't even know where to go to tell anybody, you know, and then you know, just fast forwarding a little bit into you know college when you're away from home, and you're doing your own thing, and you feel like you. You know, know the world, and you have it everything at your fingertips, and it's the same. Unfortunately, it's the same cycle of that stigma being ashamed not knowing where to go, not knowing
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A G: who to go to being afraid to share. And then there's that there's that side of when you are in your workplace right same thing. It's all of these different establishments that are there. But you don't know who to go to, who to trust, how to talk about it, where to find again the resources, and then that shame, that stigma, and these other things, where.
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A G: if all of these establishments would have some sort of training, some sort of education, some sort of, you know.
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A G: activities to identify healthy, unhealthy relationships, recognizing possessiveness, jealousy, stalking things of these natures consent for crying out loud. You know, these are some of the things that would definitely aid in helping break a lot of this generational traumas and things that we were born into, that we didn't have a choice in, so that like will eliminate some of this ignorance right
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A G: now. And I say ignorance, because I will speak for myself under that, you know. I didn't know any better. It's how I was raised, too. It was inside my house, outside my house. It's what I knew. I had to walk through metal detectors to go to school. Okay? So this was normal for me.
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A G: You know. But but with all that being said, I believe that the way that we can really bring people in is by being open enough to be vulnerable and share our side of the story, and to answer your question. Have we been strong? Have we been able to stand up for me personally?
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A G: The way that I dealt with my personal situation was, I gave myself no choice.
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A G: Okay, when you give yourself no choice, it's easier to act upon versus having a whole bunch of options to choose from. You're like
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A G: swimming in all of these things of I don't know what the outcome is going to be. I don't know what the circumstances are going to be. I don't know what the you know what's going to happen if I do this, or if I do this, or if I do that, but if you just say I can only do this, then that's what you stick to. And now that I have, you know, gotten to this place in my life where I am, you know, a certified high performance coach. I'm running a nonprofit. I'm helping real time survivors on a daily basis. You know, when I'm listening to some people that are sharing their their story.
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A G: I have to determine. Am I going to give them guidance? Am I going to give them referrals? Am I just going to ask them questions as simple as this. If your best friend, if your sister, if the person that you love the most is sharing this exact story with you. What would you tell them.
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Mark Entrekin: Beautiful.
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A G: That right there really starts to open their open their mind to saying like, Oh, my gosh, yeah, what is the advice I would give them, because you have to love yourself too, just as much, if not more.
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Mark Entrekin: Being able to accept yourself, acknowledge yourself. Wow! So true!
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Mark Entrekin: And both of you are mentioning something that truly has.
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Mark Entrekin: I think, risen to the top with me after the times that we've known each other all the times that we talk from week to week.
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Mark Entrekin: and that is teen violence and trust.
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Mark Entrekin: because as we're talking about it as we're helping others, that word trust, as short as it theoretically is.
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Mark Entrekin: is such a tough word, because who can people trust.
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Mark Entrekin: and if you're in a violent situation.
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Mark Entrekin: who is going to side with you.
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Mark Entrekin: who has been trained to know?
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Mark Entrekin: I don't know about the counselors in school. Let maybe the some of you, the 2 of you, talk about that.
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Mark Entrekin: I went to a small school growing up.
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Mark Entrekin: That was not an issue for me.
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Mark Entrekin: I didn't even know about it till I moved to Denver, and it
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Mark Entrekin: was devastating in a lot of ways when I heard about it, and when I see what people do. I went to the Littleton
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Mark Entrekin: Citizens Police Academy alright and to their
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Mark Entrekin: meetings, and they taught us it was a 12 week program. And what I saw in that process, what people are up against and what people do.
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Mark Entrekin: It's amazing. So that trust is difficult.
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Mark Entrekin: What can we do to help the teenagers
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Mark Entrekin: be able to understand that that is the path that we still need to follow.
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Regina Hiremath: I think that one of the best things we can do is educate them on what love looks like and what love doesn't look like.
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Regina Hiremath: because I know for myself, I didn't know
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Regina Hiremath: I didn't know what was good for me. I didn't know what's bad for me, so I think that if we are educating parents and educating teens and the schools on healthy love.
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Regina Hiremath: we're doing a service
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Regina Hiremath: to the whole world. Because now people are aware, and they, you know, we educate them on the resources as well when they find themselves in a situation that it's okay for you. If you can't talk to a parent or someone in your house, and let them know. Then this is where you go to discuss what's going on with you, so we can get you some help.
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A G: I agree so much, and it, you know, it goes back to this education and awareness, and if I may do a small little exercise with us here right now, with your guys permission, I would like to just give a glimpse of what that could possibly look like.
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Mark Entrekin: I think, an actual example. It may put us on the spot, but I would like to hear that, because the more that we can teach others the more that we can show others that it's not just talk. This is action. Is that okay with you, Regina?
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Regina Hiremath: Yes, absolutely.
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A G: Thank you. I'm going to ask each of you separately right here right now, what is your definition of trust.
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Mark Entrekin: My definition of trust is a belief in the other person that there's going to be the truth spoken back and forth at all times there is no fudging. We are a partner we like with my sweetheart. We talk about trust, and we talk about honesty. So to trust another person. That's full openness. We're not talking about things that happened 99 years ago. But we're talking about since we've been together.
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Mark Entrekin: What are we doing? How are we doing it? And how are we communicating with each other?
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Mark Entrekin: That trust is about being open and honest, about everything that we say, and everything that we do.
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A G: Okay, thank you, Mark. Thank you for that, Regina. What is your definition of trust.
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Regina Hiremath: My definition of trust is being able to
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Regina Hiremath: being able to allow myself to be comfortable with another person
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Regina Hiremath: in a way that they would not intentionally harm me.
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Regina Hiremath: but if for some reason they do harm me, they would be open to hearing what I say about what they've done.
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A G: My definition of trust is feeling safe and confident in the environment I'm in, and with whom I am sharing my vulnerabilities with, and trusting that their actions and decisions are not going to be harmful to me as well. Now I'm happy that you guys gave me permission, and that we did this exercise. This was to show that each of us have our very own definition.
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A G: And so if we can reach out to these teenagers and these, you know, school programs and do exercises like this with them.
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A G: then this helps with self, identifying understanding, your own definition, and then asking the questions like, Are you living in that definition right now with the people around you, because then that will help either a process of elimination of who you're not trusting. So maybe you shouldn't be engaged anymore, or who you are trusting. So maybe those are the people that you can go open up and be vulnerable with to get the resources you need.
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Mark Entrekin: I like that. And this brings up a point that we've briefly discussed. But that trust
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Mark Entrekin: that I worry about the most
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Mark Entrekin: is the trust for again, especially our teenagers, our college students.
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Mark Entrekin: and who they go to, who they can go to.
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Mark Entrekin: Let's talk about the younger ones. Let's talk about the teenagers in the middle school or the high school.
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Mark Entrekin: and being able to have that trust with their counselors, and I hope the 3 of us can reach out
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Mark Entrekin: to that level
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Mark Entrekin: around the world, reach out to say, and ask some of the same questions. You're both asking
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Mark Entrekin: what is trust?
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Mark Entrekin: What is trust to you and do the people that come to you feel that way about you.
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A G: And February is teen dating violence, awareness month. So we are right on time, right on point. And we can. We can really give an overwhelming amount of information resources, data activities. I mean, all kinds of stuff, you know, with teenagers. Specifically, my personal opinion is like respect, trust, jealousy, control communication and social media.
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Mark Entrekin: Yes, that is so true.
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Regina Hiremath: That is.
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Mark Entrekin: Go ahead, Regina. That's just a
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Mark Entrekin: yeah. That's this is a point I was going to go out here just quickly. And just think of the the 15 words that I think about the most
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Mark Entrekin: in relationships. And as I talk about often.
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Mark Entrekin: and what I work on when I'm talking about achieving unity by harnessing that power and central power of encouraging, inspiring, and including others.
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Mark Entrekin: It's all about us sharing with others in a positive nature, and I don't think we're used to that.
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Mark Entrekin: and sometimes it comes down to what we've talked about
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Mark Entrekin: with violence and domestic violence and partner violence that we don't trust the next person to talk to. Who who do we talk to?
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Mark Entrekin: And then what's going to happen?
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Mark Entrekin: What's going to happen to me if I've already had violence thrown upon me, and even me as a male. I have.
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Mark Entrekin: What's going to happen if I report it?
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Mark Entrekin: How are people gonna see me and talk about me. Do you see this often.
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A G: Yes, cause that goes back to feeling safe enough to talk about it, and then worrying about the
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A G: retaliation or consequences that is going to take place, because as teenager, it's that, he said, she said, who's going to believe who and things of that nature? And so, you know, this is this is really great topics of discussion, because I feel like
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A G: we should probably find some teenagers to invite. So we can actually do some some real time real life scenarios. I recently went to a course last week
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A G: and learned that
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A G: teenagers typically do not report acts of violence until after the age of 18 once they are after, you know, once they're out of high school. That's when they feel that they have the capacity to reflect back and really understand that that was a situation they were going through at that time. They were just under so much stress.
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A G: stress and duress and emotional confusion that they were coping that the best that they could, and most of those were coping the best that they could with themselves.
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A G: You know by by themselves is what I mean because they were again afraid to share and didn't know where to get resources. And if you think about just for a moment in the workplace, because 2 things here, you know, if we're not teaching it in the schools, then we're waiting until adults get into the workplace to learn about resources. And how do they learn about those resources? There's a big laminated poster on the lunchroom wall.
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A G: I mean, there's things that we can do in the schools where maybe they don't have to go and talk to somebody. They can just have these laminated posters, you know, on the walls where there are organizations, nonprofits, national level, state level, local level, where they can reach out if they are experiencing. You know, X amount of forms of domestic violence for that assistance. 3rd party type of help, where they don't have to worry about a counselor, or a school, or a teacher or principal looking at them
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A G: differently, and, or, you know, ruining the trust that they have with their parents.
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Mark Entrekin: I like what you're saying, and that's what you said right there to the trust with the parents. And I just put the words words in the in the chat that
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Mark Entrekin: I've always liked to go by, and I noticed the truth is not in there. Honesty is.
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Mark Entrekin: but I don't have that word truth. So I'm glad you brought that up today, because, as you were just saying.
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Mark Entrekin: how do we find the people?
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Mark Entrekin: And I know that's what we're going to be doing. But to put this on the table.
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Mark Entrekin: how do we continue to find
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Mark Entrekin: the people that we can talk to about the truth?
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Mark Entrekin: And how can we work with others.
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Mark Entrekin: and understanding that the truth is the right way to go? Being honest, that kindness, love, patience.
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Mark Entrekin: have the quality and respect and responsibility to carry forward.
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Mark Entrekin: What can we do to adjust people's culture, people's learning to be accountable for caring
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Mark Entrekin: a touch of class, the commitment, the communication, the devotion.
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Mark Entrekin: and something that we all, I think, need to do, and I'd like to hear from both of you on. This is forgiving
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Mark Entrekin: because we want to be forgiving.
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Mark Entrekin: but yet, when violence is involved, we 1st must report it right.
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A G: Go ahead! Regina!
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Regina Hiremath: Yes, we do have to report it, but I think with the subject.
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Regina Hiremath: because of how in depth it is.
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Regina Hiremath: We have to take it step by step. And I think it's
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Regina Hiremath: awareness and education. And as we bring people because agape and I meet people all the time because of our stories, and because of what we do. I have a divorce blog with a private community. I'm motivational speaker. I've just written a book about my experience. So we're always coming in contact with people. And it's not hard to find people. They're there. Once you create a safe space for them to open up.
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Regina Hiremath: and you've shared your story. They're very comfortable talking about the things that they've been through.
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Regina Hiremath: It's just a matter of taking that step to say. This is what we're doing. We're educating people. We're bringing people in. And the more we build upon that the better we're able to create this thing in real time for what we need.
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Mark Entrekin: Excellent.
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A G: And I and I, very similarly to you know.
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A G: any of us and all of us, whether we're kids or adults, when it's somebody that we love, that's trying to give us wisdom and share knowledge, you know. Yeah, we hear it. Yeah, we hear it. But you know, when we really hear it when we hear it from a stranger, then we're like, Oh, my gosh! What that makes so much sense! And then, you know, our loved one may be a little upset because they're like, Hello! I've been telling you this for a long time.
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A G: so I would say that I think it's very advantageous and helpful when you have 3rd parties coming in to give that training, that awareness, that education, because when you're hearing it from the people you're around on a consistent basis.
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A G: It's like you're hearing it, but you're it's not in. It's not being ingrained.
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A G: But when you hear it from that outsider, for some reason it resonates a little louder, a little deeper, and it makes a little bit of a of a stronger impact. I don't know why. I just know that it is.
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Mark Entrekin: And that's some of the things that we have to work with as we work with people, because we are
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Mark Entrekin: all the same.
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Mark Entrekin: But in that same mode. We're all very different because of our culture.
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Mark Entrekin: because of our learning and what we've done where we've been
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Mark Entrekin: parents to our grandparents, to uncles, aunts, cousins.
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Mark Entrekin: It's just a situation of what we learned is what we carry forward as we talked about earlier.
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Mark Entrekin: but when it comes to violence
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Mark Entrekin: I see things a little bit different.
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Mark Entrekin: We need to be able to
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Mark Entrekin: work with each and everyone about that ability to stand.
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Mark Entrekin: I think you both says earlier, stand up. I don't mean to repeat things here, but I think that is one of our biggest struggles
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Mark Entrekin: is to take
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Mark Entrekin: those words. And again it got to be like you're talking about what is truth? Each person.
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Mark Entrekin: But when I talk about things such as reporting.
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Mark Entrekin: I think some of the red flags start to fly.
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Mark Entrekin: Well, I don't want to go that far. I don't want to.
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Mark Entrekin: I don't want to say something.
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Mark Entrekin: but if we don't say something.
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Mark Entrekin: how do we get to the next step.
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Mark Entrekin: how do we better? The next step? Go ahead.
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A G: You know. And and while you're talking I'm thinking about, you know, the last 30 survivors that called that I spoke to. And what I realized is that you know that's what I help them do. I'm listening to their I'm asking the right questions. So I'm understanding their current circumstances so that I can be better at giving them the resources and the referrals that are needed for their real time circumstances.
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A G: And what I do is I help them understand how to communicate what it needs to be and how it needs to be reported. It's the how do you do it? Right? Because, you know, there's times where people are showing up, and they can't even talk to your best, and they don't even they're not. They're not in their mental state.
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Mark Entrekin: I'm not.
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A G: Frantic state. Right? So when you're going to certain people, authorities, organizations whomever you're going to to seek that help, it's understanding how to deliver what you are reporting, so that they understand and can be of help.
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Mark Entrekin: That's true, and some of the people, if I may ask both of you how many of the people that you coach with?
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Mark Entrekin: Is it a 1st time, and how many times is it more than one time.
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A G: For me. Personally, I do not ask those questions. What I do, and in my arena is, I am concerned with right now. What what is your circumstances right now? How can I help you right now? Because the right now resources are hard to find right now.
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Regina Hiremath: Absolutely, and I think a lot of times when people are in that state like agape, was saying, I spoke with someone whose family member
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Regina Hiremath: is in a situation, and the family member is the person who's in the situation, even though they know that the situation is bad.
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Regina Hiremath: they are downplaying it, and it can be really difficult to get them to understand the severity of the situation that they're in. So as a family member trying to help someone.
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Regina Hiremath: They're caught between a rock and a hard place of wanting to go get them out. But understanding that they've got to work with them to get them to a place of coming out. So it's never. Those situations are never easy. Just because someone says
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Regina Hiremath: I, I'm ready to go doesn't mean they're ready to grab the door.
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Regina Hiremath: and just by working with them and talking to them and helping them to understand and offering them resources, and allowing them to see past the point that they're in. Then you're able to
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Regina Hiremath: move them out of there, mentally and physically.
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Mark Entrekin: That's so beneficial. And I like the way you're saying that mentally and physically, because it is a mindset
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Mark Entrekin: and to be able for us to change that mindset, to improve
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Mark Entrekin: that mindset. So people know more up front.
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Mark Entrekin: And again, that reporting I we'll always consider as a top priority, because sometimes
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Mark Entrekin: reporting doesn't have to be to the police or the sheriff.
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Mark Entrekin: but reporting that to someone and hopefully back to the truth, back to the trust.
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Mark Entrekin: we get into situation where people don't have someone
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Mark Entrekin: that they can talk with. They don't have someone that they do trust, but help them to
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Mark Entrekin: be able to locate someone or come to one of us, be able to reach out to us.
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Mark Entrekin: but to the group, to the organization
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Mark Entrekin: that ability to have someone, because too many people don't report it.
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Mark Entrekin: and it continues continues. And again, male or female, mother or father, man or woman. Once it starts, it is more difficult
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Mark Entrekin: to control or maintain right.
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A G: That's right, it absolutely is, and something that I was thinking about while you were saying that is, you know, there's a couple of States out there already that have mandatory training for beauticians, hairstylists, people sit in their chair every day. They have. It's a rotating door, and those
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A G: beauticians, those hairstylists are trained in asking their clients specific questions under that umbrella of domestic violence. I think Tennessee was the 1st one that that mandated that. And you know, think about. If that was a mandate for teachers.
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A G: you know, then teachers can ask certain questions or after school programs can ask those certain questions, and they can. They can help, they can be, they will be trained, and then they will have the resources. And they can be that that person that's helping to mitigate and provide what is needed to get whomever that person is to that next step of either healing, forgiving, changing, changing outlooks, changing behaviors, because see, when certain things
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A G: happen to us that make us
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A G: a victim, it changes our outlook and our definitions of life.
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A G: and there are certain behaviors that we need to work on within ourselves, because we may be seeing red flags and being confused on those red flags. Are they theirs, or are they mine?
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Mark Entrekin: And that ability to have that again. The strength in what I'm hearing, that you're saying that
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Mark Entrekin: each of us can speak up.
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Mark Entrekin: find that someone we trust find someone with the truth.
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Mark Entrekin: Excuse me
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Mark Entrekin: and be able to talk about that, because that reaching out, reaching to someone to hope we can help a lot of people which we will help
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Mark Entrekin: a lot of people in this to make that 1st step.
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Mark Entrekin: that next step in understanding where to go, what to do and how to do it?
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Mark Entrekin: Because if people aren't reaching out, how will anyone know
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Mark Entrekin: if they're not reporting it? It's kind of like a situation that we see in the movies.
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Mark Entrekin: however true or not true it may be, but the quicksand
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Mark Entrekin: people get into the quicksand, and especially in the old Western movies. And what do you do?
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Mark Entrekin: They say? If you move, you sink.
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Mark Entrekin: if you don't move, what happens if you don't have someone there, someone that's coming by what's gonna happen.
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Mark Entrekin: So helping others
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Mark Entrekin: to be able to understand that they need to report it, they need to talk. They need to share.
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Mark Entrekin: And they need to find someone that they can share with.
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Mark Entrekin: That's where I hope that we can be.
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A G: Absolutely.
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A G: Yeah, yeah. And I think I think that trust
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A G: listening to what you were just saying, you have to trust yourself 1st before you can trust somebody else. Right? So you have to trust yourself in knowing that you do not belong in the situation that you're in, that you want the help that you're looking for it, and that you deserve it. And then, once you understand that this is where you are, because, acknowledging the issue is already half the battle, once you are able to acknowledge, and then you can trust yourself and ground yourself in that. Then you're more open
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A G: to seeking and opening your mouth to get fed.
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Mark Entrekin: Right.
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Mark Entrekin: That is right. The opening up and accepting yourself right
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Mark Entrekin: where are you? Where you are is where you start.
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Mark Entrekin: and once we accept ourselves. Go ahead, Regina!
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Regina Hiremath: I'm sorry, Mark, agreeing with agape in that.
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Regina Hiremath: That's a really hard turning point for a person who's in a violent situation to admit that they are in a domestic violence situation, because the abuser has
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Regina Hiremath: made them feel like all of the problems are theirs.
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Regina Hiremath: And so it can be such a challenge to get to a point where you say, No, I'm being abused. This person is
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Regina Hiremath: abusing me, and I need help.
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Regina Hiremath: and by the time a person gets to that point. They've been isolated from their family, their friends. They've been cut off financially. They're so beaten down and broken that it can be very, very difficult to see light. And so I go back to the awareness part that when people know there's a resource
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Regina Hiremath: out there like agape said, you know we've been discussing, and our plan is to, you know, make sure companies and businesses and organizations have this information for people. When you know you have a resource.
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Regina Hiremath: You will go for it, I mean for me. It took my girlfriend, saying, I think you need to reach out to a woman's resource or a women's community center, a woman's center so that you can get some help.
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Regina Hiremath: And had it not been for that, I don't know how long it would have taken me to make the 1st step.
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Mark Entrekin: Excellent story
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Mark Entrekin: that's so true. And as we look at that, we want to make sure that we is again accepting ourselves, acknowledge ourselves.
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Mark Entrekin: be able to work through as I work with people and coaching people. What
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Mark Entrekin: could the problem be? What could be? Where is that? Origination is the person just normally this way.
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Mark Entrekin: normally violent, normally angry, or is there a trigger?
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Mark Entrekin: And that's 1 of the things that we've talked about a little bit before, too. There's the triggers that we want to work with.
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Mark Entrekin: and what's triggering people into the negative.
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Mark Entrekin: or that ability to take that next step?
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Mark Entrekin: What is it that we can do. Go ahead.
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A G: Sorry about that as it. There's only one thing in the entire world that you can control.
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A G: and that's yourself.
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Regina Hiremath: Yeah, it's having been in an abusive situation. There is no no way of knowing all the triggers
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Regina Hiremath: these people are just.
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Regina Hiremath: They're just landmines there. You just don't know what's gonna set them off.
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Regina Hiremath: and they're just angry about everything and anything. And
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Regina Hiremath: they condition you into thinking that you are their trigger, no matter per se.
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Mark Entrekin: And that's an excellent point. That's why we have to go both. We have 4 min left. We're going to close just a second, but that's 1 of the things that we want to do also is work with some that are.
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Mark Entrekin: they're not to that extreme situation yet. There's some that are
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Mark Entrekin: that are being triggered by something in in a relationship that is making them angry, mad, violent.
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Mark Entrekin: and being able to work with that and be able to talk to people to be able to get them to open up before
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Mark Entrekin: they reach that trigger, too. Right? There's there's some that it's it's already beyond.
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Regina Hiremath: M.
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Mark Entrekin: There's some that we're gonna be working with. Go ahead, please.
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Regina Hiremath: I I think one of one of the things that we could do which would be really helpful is to talk to people who previously were abusers who've done their work to come out because they can give us firsthand knowledge of
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Regina Hiremath: you know what, what, where their anger started
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Regina Hiremath: and how it progressed. And then what work they did to come out of that!
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Regina Hiremath: That's.
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Mark Entrekin: Thanks.
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Regina Hiremath: Best education we can get in that area. I think.
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Mark Entrekin: So
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Mark Entrekin: so true. Thank you so much. Nia, okay, again, we have about 3 min left. Can we get about a minute closer from the 2 of you, if you don't mind.
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A G: Yeah, thank you so much, for you know, having us here today. And for you know, this unity of this team here to put together what we're doing and having, you know, in building healthy futures. And I would just want to provide some resources. You know, there is a national domestic violence. Hotline 1, 807, 9, 9 safe. You can
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A G: text love is to a number 2, 2, 5, 2, 2. You can go to confronting domestic violence, and under the resource page you'll see 3 columns on the right hand side. There is a search field, and you can plug in a city, a State, a county, a Zip code in any area in the nation, and multiple organizations will show up and populate for organizations that help.
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A G: for domestic violence, also for the teens for teen dating violence. Awareness month. You can go to loveisrespect.org, and get a bunch of information there as well, and you know, confronting domestic violence is a nonprofit organization that takes, calls, accepts, intake, forms through the website, and is open to helping provide real time resources. If these other 1 800 numbers or organizations
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A G: are not responding in the timely fashion that you need.
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Mark Entrekin: Excellent. Thank you so much. I wish I had time to type those in as you were talking, but that's
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Mark Entrekin: we need to make sure. Remember those Regina.
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Regina Hiremath: Yes, I wanna thank you so much for having us on. I'm so grateful for this unity that we're
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Regina Hiremath: creating to bring awareness to domestic violence, and I'm thankful for agape for Cdv. And for all the organizations that are helping domestic violence victims. And I just want to say, if you feel if you feel benevolent, you can go to cdv.org, and you can donate to help us
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Regina Hiremath: to help fund the work that we're doing to help victims.
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Mark Entrekin: And that is Cbd.
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A G: No, no, no, sorry. Confronting dv.org
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A G: d. As in domestic violence confronting dv.org.
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Mark Entrekin: That's cdv.org.
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A G: No confronting.
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Mark Entrekin: Oh, it is confront. It's not just those letters. Okay. I thought I heard letters. That's why I wanna make sure. Thank you.
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Mark Entrekin: Thank you for clarifying. Yes.
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A G: Confronting dv.org? Yes.
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A G: and she's absolutely right. Any little bit helps every little bit helps, especially now with funding for nonprofits, declining.
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Mark Entrekin: That is such a great point.
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Mark Entrekin: Go ahead, Regina.
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Regina Hiremath: I was just agreeing with that.
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Regina Hiremath: We need all the help we can get.
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Mark Entrekin: We do. And it's gonna be if it's gonna be for everyone. And if you can help us, anyway, my number is on the screen if I can call you. If you want to go to the www.markettricken.com forward slash contact contact us. Let me know who you want to contact either agape. Regina, let me know. Talk to me. Let's start working more and more together.
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Mark Entrekin: Regina. Thank you so much for being here. It's going to be awesome working with you us as a team building forward. I'm looking forward to everything that we can do to make tomorrow a better world for someone.
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A G: Thank you.
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Regina Hiremath: Thank you.
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Mark Entrekin: Thank you.
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Mark Entrekin: Bye-bye.
