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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: There we are, I think we're recording. Hello, everybody, and welcome to the achieving unity, success, formula, this is our weekly. Podcast but first, st let's look at the screen and see our achieving unity in the anger, hate, and prejudice, because we know how much that is going around the United States today
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and we can stop it.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Anger has no value, hate has no value, and prejudice has no value. So if you would like, please go out to the signup dash Newsletter. Get a copy of it.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It is our Achieving Unity Guide and helps us in growing forward. Make this world a better place one step at a time.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And this is the company. This is my company, reality, focus dynamics, creating solutions, one reality at a time, and we can transform our lives. It is all about making the choices, for what's better, I've already mentioned.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Hate has no value, anger has no value, prejudice has no value, but so many of the other things that we do
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: can have value. And our guest today is going to talk to us about when we're going through troubles. We're going through situations. There are better ways to handle it. And that's what we need to focus on. That's where we're going to go today
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: in our achieving unity, success, formula, weekly podcast, we are here every Wednesday, one Pm. Pacific time, 4 Pm. Eastern time. Please put it on your calendar, go out to the website slash. Podcast and I'll have the URL up in this. I'll have the
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: QR code up in a second. You put on there, put it on your calendar. We'd like to see you here every week. We want your suggestions. Who else would you like to listen to? Got a wonderful guest today? Show you a few minutes about our other guests coming up again.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: We need to hear from you this podcast is about achieving unity. It's not just one. It's all of us. No one person has done anything awesome.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: They have a team.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It takes more than one.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: So let's work together on that
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: reality. Focus. Dynamics delivers success focus solution. You can see that here in the logo.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: reality-focused dynamics, success focused solutions.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: One of the things I want to talk about today is what started me into speaking. As a matter of fact, it was my career
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: program, management project management. It's about using agile and lean outside of software. Now, some of, you may say, software. That's that computer stuff, right? Yes, it is. But that's where I started in computers
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: quite a few years ago.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Then we come across these we had the Pmi Project Management Institute, and it brought about the project management professionals well over the years. We saw that that was very productive in some areas, but in a lot of areas it wasn't. And that's when agile and the agile manifesto was created.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Agile is the ability to create and respond to changes and improvements.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It enables success in uncertain and possibly struggling environments by emphasizing adaptability to better collaboration and communication.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: We break our problems down. They're easier to create solution
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and then lean is a methodology that's focused on maximizing value by minimizing waste and optimizing our processes through continuous improvement.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: effectiveness and then efficiency.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: The philosophy can be used in every discipline, in every vertical, including our homes.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Let me give you a quick example.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Connect with me, and I'll show you how to break all issues.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: all products, all services, all down from the most complex business projects. Yes, including rocket science. I have worked for NASA. I've worked for Boeing, Rocky Martin.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: We can transfer all of that down to basic steps, even sometimes as trouble, as
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: solving the problems of training our teenagers. Yes, even our teenagers
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: think of a busy morning at a family breakfast and say you do have teenagers, and maybe even some that are younger that are active
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: everyone anymore, always has somewhere to go
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: from there, maybe going to their work and maybe going to school to many other events, locations, to sports, events at the school.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Why don't we have a family stand-up meeting each evening.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: during which everyone shares their task for the next day
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: they'll put their task on those sticky notes.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Put them on the refrigerator. Now have the chores and responsibilities that they become accountable for.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and each person can then move that sticky note from the to do column on the refrigerator to the done column. As everything gets done, everyone's happy.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: You could even create a breakfast station, have pre-portioned ingredients, maybe a weekly meal plan.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: minimizing that decision. Fatigue, and especially in the mornings. Then reducing the time, searching for items, can help everyone participate in a smoother and more efficient process.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Yeah, this goes personally and professionally.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Another work that I do is called what we're going to talk about somewhat today is what is achieving unity.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and we achieve unity by harnessing the power through encouragement, inspiration, and inclusion.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: so much that we can do by encouraging others and inspiring others not looking for wrong.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: How many times do you go into a room or you're in a room, and somebody comes to the room
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and they have their own. Hmo.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Yes.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Hmo, hearing my opinion, Hmo, because they want you to hear it, and usually that opinion is not on the positive side. Sometimes it is, and the positive side is growing, but too many times we have the negative.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: so encouragement can be the powerful force that fuels the core of empowerment.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: encourage others to help accomplish the task. If they're negative.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: encourage them some way with a compliment.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: They have an issue, find something good about it, and put them on the good side.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: because, as we inspire each other to achieve every goal.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: unity makes us a successful team.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: the more unified we are, the more successful we will be.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and in so doing we include others. We include everyone and celebrate every victory.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Be happy about a completion.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Don't worry about the credit for yourself.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: You did great, but make sure and credit others, both personally and professionally, because together all of us.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: we can overcome every challenge through unity, through achieving unity, us all working together.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And some people we're going to go over this today. And our guest today is going to go over this just so well, because she has many years of experience.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: But are you facing relationship challenges or parenting difficulties?
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Are you or someone, you know, struggling with relationship issues.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: parenting time issues as a divorced or divorcing parent
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: transform that frustration into understanding with what the frustration?
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Where's the value interactions? And too many times we find out that a frustration has caused the issue.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: The issue is only a symptom.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: but a frustration that we have within ourselves
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: is causing that problem. It's igniting that fire.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: We must realize that anger, a, NGER has no value.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Anger is just actions not gaining effective results.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Anger has no value.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Life happens
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: from personal relationships to parenting time to prenuptial agreements anymore, the nuptials not required because a lot of people aren't getting married because of some of those issues.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Marty will talk about that with us. In a few minutes. Also, we can learn to embrace
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and enjoy every moment and every challenge together.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Here's the UR. Code, the QR codes. I was talking about earlier. My website, home is on the left.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: the website, contact Page love to hear from you.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Let's talk. Let's share. What can we do to build personally
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and professionally again, to make our world for starters, our community, our family.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: our careers, is making a better place one step at a time in our upcoming podcast
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: next week is going to be being in business and doing it right.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Some of you small business owners will be working with other businesses. Well, Alyssa Bakar will be here next week.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: February 19, th to talk about those same points.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: On February 26.th We have Annette Evans Wilson
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: she'll be here talking about, know yourself.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: enjoy an authentic life, because how many times we think about what other people are going to think.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: instead of thinking about what's from our heart, our mind, our soul.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Let's come. Listen to Annette. Talk about that.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: The following week. Leading teams and driving change. Frank Datamenis is going to come. Talk to us on March 5, th and he talks about that. He has a lot of great knowledge, a lot of great business knowledge, and I've known him from toastmasters for decades. Great person! Great one to talk about.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: The next week, March 12.th
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Invisible disabilities to increase your profitability.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Raja Bedaya is going to come. Talk to us about sometimes.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I will go into the details this time, because I want it to be for him or Roger to bring it forward. Sometimes we have disabilities that people don't quite see, or don't quite understand, that we can actually use to take us to that next level.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Then, on March 19, th ignite fitness, Janet Mcconnell will be here to talk about igniting fitness and what we can do to benefit ourselves in the process of being fit.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Please join us again. Put us on your calendar. Love to see you here every week.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Now today we are so honored I'm honored now.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Marty and I've talked for weeks and maybe months, but we've known each other, and it's all about problem solving.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And what we want to do is stay strong with navigating change, with confidence and support, achieving unity. There is support out there, and Marty Winter Adams is the go to divorce coach for high achieving individuals.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: She is dedicated to supporting people in taking control of their separation and their divorce
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: to reduce the emotional and financial cost of the process.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Think about it. It's very emotional going through any kind of
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: relationship struggles. And then, if you have attorneys involved lawyers involved, it gets very financially devastating.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Marty brings over 20 years of experience, helping women and men navigate the challenges of high conflict. Complex and high asset divorces
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: work with each other. That's what it's talking about. Here's more achieving unity. She brings this out even in divorce situations, helping us
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: learn and grow.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Marty is an Icf. And BCC executive and a leadership coach.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: She's a certified divorce, transition and high conflict, divorce, coach and credentialed distinguished mediator in Texas. She has tremendous background.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Look in the lower right. You can see her website at divorcecoachforwomen.com.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Marty's links. Look at this. This person is
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: easy to contact, reach out to her. There's a website, her podcast of her own, her Linkedin or Instagram.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Facebook, Facebook, personal, how you can contact her, find, see her videos and things on Youtube.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: get in contact with her, also
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: her books. She has 2 books out there, 1st one from I do.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I'm done. A Woman's guide to preparing for divorce.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Preparation is key.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Don't go when they're blindfolded.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: That's what she's bringing out in this book.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Then the other side of the divorce breakups that lead to breakthroughs breakups happen.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: but we can't let them hold us back. But we'll let Marty talk to us more about that.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: We switch the screen over. Give me just a second
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: stop the share.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Let me bring Marty over into this screen.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Bring it over here.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: And then, Marty, let me bring you up a little bit. Just a second takes just a second. Actually, I need to work with.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Rene to get this done. She could probably do this so much better than me, but for right now we could put this up here
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and add the PIN 1st string screen. Here we are.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Marty Winder Adams. Thank you for being here. How are you today?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: I am great and mark, thank you so much for having me on your podcast and for that wonderful introduction. And I'm so excited. I know a couple of people on your upcoming podcast list. So I'm definitely going to be tuning in in the next few weeks. So.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I'm gonna love that Marty.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah, yeah.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It is some great people, and it's the communication. And I know I get chills to talk about all the things that you do and the things that you talk about, and how you help people.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and so many of our friends are doing the same thing. And it it's so beautiful. And
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: then we come about people that have titles, and I think you call it divorce coach.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Help me out. What is the divorce codes?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: It's a relatively new profession. And basically, I think it was 2017. I could be wrong on that one. But the American Bar Association officially recognized divorce coaching as an alternative dispute, resolution, form. And so the role of a divorce coach
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Mardi Winder-Adams: really is. I I call myself a divorce concierge. So I support my clients to navigate the divorce process in a more of a personal, completely bespoke process where
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Mardi Winder-Adams: people come to me with problems during their divorce and we sit down. We brainstorm, we plan, we strategize, and ultimately the client makes the decision with what they want to do. Moving forward.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: And a lot of times. That is because, you know, they go and talk to their attorney, and the attorney says, get all your financials together. Well, what does that even mean? What are the financials? Where do you find them? What do you do? So I'm going to be the person that walks with you step by step through the process to help you get ready for meetings, negotiations, mediations, and just to, you know, to help people
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Mardi Winder-Adams: with the personal side of divorce, and that emotional side. And how do I answer things when the kids say this? You know, all of those kind of things fall under the purview of a divorce coach.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: That is great, and I think you mentioned a few of these. But can you tell me a little bit more about why and when you should work with a divorce coach.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Thank you. That's a really good question. And so I'm going to probably say something that most divorce coaches don't. But most people
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Mardi Winder-Adams: that have a very good support network that have that have a spouse that's going to play fair and play without manipulating the situation or without, you know with that there's no mental health problems. There's no alcohol or addiction problems. There's no
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Mardi Winder-Adams: concerns about financial shenanigans during the divorce. Most of most people don't need a divorce coach. I mean, they're nice to have, and if you want one, there's lots of them out there to work with. But it's really the people that know that they're going to go through a really difficult or challenging divorce, or they know that.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: like, I say that their spouse is not playing fair during the divorce, or they're concerned about keeping their legal costs down, because that's another way that a divorce coach can really help. So those are the kind of people, and really any time in the divorce. But it's like most things.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: the earlier you start getting the support and the knowledge you need.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: the more that it pays for itself over the long run of a divorce.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Marty, I
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: being through one, just almost a disastrous divorce, but working with others in divorce. I truly appreciate what you say.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: because there's so many times
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I'm just gonna try to think of a simple example. But let's say you go into one of these super grocery stores and you want
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: something. You want some sort of bean, and you go to the store. And it's actually hard to find those beans. I mean, this sounds simple, but it is actually true. Where do they keep it? Okay, where do they keep?
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I want Spanish beans. I want. I want refried beans. Where are they? Well, probably the refried beans are the
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: A section on a Mexican food, but sometimes well, I I get there, and I can't find them.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Right.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: When we get into situations like a divorce.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and I'm going to bed, I
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: just gonna do the wrong thing and assume. But I'm gonna bet somewhere on the line. You've read some divorce law
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and by statutes, and
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: it's not in plain English, it is in that I call it legal tease. Some people call it legal ease.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and it's difficult to read and understand.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And there's a lot of court cases going to Supreme Courts, of course, probably all of us. If we watch any kind of news.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: we say all the ones going up to the Us. Supreme Court, and how many that are going to the Supreme Court how much their backlog.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: But if we take a time to look at it, there's a lot of them going to that in our district courts, our county courts, our State courts
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: as well.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: So what I'm leading to here is that
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I'm thinking that almost every divorce and I know you say. Mostly it's for the most struggling ones.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: but almost every divorce, because even when a couple is working together in their separation and their divorce.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: it still goes in front of a judge.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and that judge can be very opinionated.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Right.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Yes, there's law, but the law is based on what the judge reads.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: So I'm seeing, and I'm I'm leading it again to your feedback here that I
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: anybody that's going through a divorce before they get in there. They're going to be led by an attorney or a lawyer.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and when we think about it. What is the judge?
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Isn't the judge just another lawyer or attorney that has 5 or more years of adversarial experience?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Right.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Well, okay. But adversarial.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: What is adversarial? Well, adversarial, right? Wrong, good, bad likes. You, doesn't like you likes what you're wearing.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: doesn't like what you're wearing likes. Your attitude
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: doesn't like your attitude, and we need to make sure that the people, the divorce, the people going through these struggles understand? There's certain questions they need to ask.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and legal ease is not the place to go right? Can't they come to you and go ahead.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. Well, thanks, Martin. I'm sorry I cut you off. There. I apologize.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Please.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: I would have to say. You know, if you are looking at going through a divorce, your attorney is going to be the highest paid professional on in anybody's divorce, and I really believe that attorneys are essential
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Mardi Winder-Adams: in divorce, especially like, I say, if you're dealing with high asset, high high conflict or highly complex divorces. Now, even if you're going through a mediation which I really, I support a lot of clients because my background is as a mediator. I've been doing that since 1990. I've done literally thousands of divorce mediations.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Wow!
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Mardi Winder-Adams: But acting as a
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Mardi Winder-Adams: acting as a coach. I am not acting as a mediator, but I can help you prepare for mediation, and so many people, you know, choose to go to the mediation route, which is a lot cheaper, and you can get it done a lot faster. And I completely support that because that allows the couple to create their own settlement agreement. Now.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: just because you go through mediation, I want to clarify this. You are not divorced in mediation. All you do is create the settlement. The only person that can grant a divorce is a judge, so they will then grant the divorce. But typically when the couple has come to a mediated settlement, the judge is not going to do anything with a mediated settlement unless it violates some statute, or something which a good mediator would never write. Settlement. That does that, anyhow.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: But that's another topic. But I I do believe what you're saying that the lawyer is
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Mardi Winder-Adams: 1st of all, lawyers only represent one person.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: so they are on your side, and that's what you're paying them to do is get you the very best deal possible.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: and when you have 2 people with 2 lawyers trying to get them, the best deal
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Mardi Winder-Adams: that might lead to an increase in the level of conflict or adversity during the divorce rather than a decrease. Now there are great lawyers. There's collaborative law. There's a whole bunch of options out there now, but the the more you can make your own decisions, I think the both of you, when you walk out of that with the agreement.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: There's less likely to be a breach of that agreement and specifically around the co-parenting plan. Things like that. So you were right. A judge. Will you never know what way the wind blows with a judge honestly. And I've seen judges do things that I'm thinking. Oh, I know that, Judge. I mean I've sat and talked to them. I know what they're going to do in this case, and it doesn't come out that way. I mean, you just don't know what's gonna what might be
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Mardi Winder-Adams: something that kind of gets in the judges head like. Oh, my gosh! I don't know why they said that one thing, and that's not against judges. That's just as human beings we make. We all make judgments right, and judges do a very good job, being fair and trying to uphold the law. But we're all human beings underneath everything. So.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: That is so true. And you've said so much out there, Marty, because we are human beings.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and we let our feelings sometimes drive us
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: even those feelings that came from a culture.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: or maybe something passed in that relationship or previous relationship.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: or family friends off the news off of Facebook, who knows
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: where some of those ideas come from, and right or wrong, they happen, and sometimes
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: they're not fair and just for all.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And we have to think about that and coming someone like you myself a mediator.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It's good to go to a coach and talk it over.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: because there's so much about it again, like I said, to go to a grocery store
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: sometimes it's difficult. There's so much stuff
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: in our law, there's so much stuff, and
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: it's not written in plain English, how many interpretations of the Bible are there.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Yes, 1,000. Probably.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Right? Yeah.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: How many interpretations are there of the law?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Only in your judge's eye and your judge's mind.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: That's where it comes from. So.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. And I was gonna say, I was gonna say, too, like, court family court is not like TV family court. You may. You may be in front of the judge for a total of 20 to 30 min
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Mardi Winder-Adams: for everything.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Like your case may be in front of the judge for 20 to 30 min. So I was talking to a mediator who I know in California. I'm in Texas. But they were in California, and she said. On average, most people are going to spend less than 15 min in front of the judge, because they've got so many cases on the docket. It's just hear the case.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: you know, basically split it down the middle. There we go this way. We go that way and you know. So the judge doesn't know you. You're not. There's not going to be much of a time to make any kind of an impression, so that
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Mardi Winder-Adams: you know that idea that the judge is on, is going to understand the background of the marriage. And what caused the breakdown that does not happen in in the family court system.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And as you mentioned, Marty, I think you made a good point. There's so many cases out there they don't have the time to truly read through
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: all of those
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: books of information that you have to turn in. The attorney hopefully reads them. But the judge just doesn't have time, and it's just so hard, which I think brings up the next question that we talked just a little bit about. But
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: how is divorce coaching different from working, say, with a therapist, or even that lawyer or a financial planner, how's working with a divorce coach a little bit different.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: That's a great question. As well, Mark, you're just full of great questions today.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Thank you.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Well, you always are. But
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Because.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: The best ways, the way I explain it, because it's a model that people understand. If you think of each one of the specific professionals in your divorce. So your attorney, your financial advisor, maybe your tax attorney, maybe your therapist. Maybe a
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Mardi Winder-Adams: you know, a therapist working with your children. All of those people have very limited interaction, like there's there's typically no exchange of information, particularly around the attorney. Now, the attorney may get information from the other professionals. But they don't actually typically sit down and have a face to face, or even a phone call. So I see the divorce coach as sort of the case, manager.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: So when you know when you, as the client, are responsible for transferring this information or connecting up your professionals, how does that all happen? The divorce coach should not assume the role of any one of those other professionals you just named, I mean, ethically, under Icf guidelines.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Divorce coaches cannot serve. No coach can serve a dual role in any kind of status. So, for instance, if I was somebody's divorce coach, I could not also mediate or be their mediator or an attorney. If they are. Now, there are some attorneys who are divorce coaches, but they can't be your attorney and your divorce coach, so there's there's very much
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Everybody, I think, is in verticals or silos in your divorce. And think of the think of the divorce coach as the person that's able to help you understand how to best communicate with each one of those professionals, how to get information back and forth, and how to ask the right questions, so that you are knowledgeable
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Mardi Winder-Adams: because I like, I said. I really believe if people can talk this through and come up with their own settlement agreements. They're going to be so much farther ahead. So as your coach, my role is to help you maybe learn better communication skills. So you can reduce that conflict.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Maybe learn how to be more effective in sharing information, so that you're not running up the cost with your higher paid professionals on your team, and and really just being that that central hub, or that person that you can go to and say, Hey, I've got this question. Is this really an attorney question? Or is this a therapist question, or is this a financial planner question? And then really, really being prepared when you go in those meetings? So you get the information you need.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I sure appreciate what you're saying, Marty, because again, when they bring the question to the divorce coach, you have an opportunity just to lay it out and discuss it
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: on plain terms, and
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: make a little bit of definition and understanding before you go to the attorney, to the financial planner, to a therapist.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and when you go in with a better understanding.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: you have a little bit stronger foundation right.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Right.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: You talk.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: I really believe so, because I believe that most people I know you have a great acronym for fear and anger, and all of those kind of more negative things. But I really believe a lot of the
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Mardi Winder-Adams: anger and the distrust and the fear that's around. Divorce has to do with this sense of. I'm not in control of this process. This legal system comes in and takes over my life, and you know we I hear
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Mardi Winder-Adams: you know father saying I'm worried. I'm never going to be able to see my kids. I hear Mom saying I'm afraid I can't financially manage, because I've stayed at home to look after the family, and now I don't have an income, so there's real genuine fears for both, for anybody going through a divorce but getting the knowledge, and knowing that you have the information you need does, does wonders for reducing that fear.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: and being able to like you said, be open to hear what the other person is saying and suggesting looking for common grounds, and then hopefully, hopefully
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Mardi Winder-Adams: being able to resolve this without going through litigation. Because you're looking at. I hate to say this, and I don't mean to throw people off. But honestly, I've got clients that are 2 and $300,000 in legal fees and 3 plus years in the divorce process. I don't want anybody to get stuck in that situation.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Thank you so much, because that's an excellent point, and as I work with them I asked them.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: You know that china set is nice.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: But how much time do you want? The attorneys biding over that china set
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: went for what it costs to have an attorney, an attorney's time?
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Go buy another one. That's kind of
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: makes it simple. But that's what we have to think about.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: There's times where you need. We need to walk away. It's just it's
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: it's not feasible. And it's not intelligent
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: to take it into that when there's when there's another path.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And we've talked about several. Thank you, Marty, about several concepts here. But
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: what are some other common mistakes that people make
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: when they are going through a divorce.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: I think the biggest one is to.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: and I'm not a financial advisor, so I don't give anybody financial information, but not to understand your money side before you start trying to settle your estate. So, whatever that may be, whether it's the house or the retirement, or the who's going to carry the health insurance? Or who's going to do this? Or who's going to do that?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: You need to know your you need to know what the reality is of your finances before you even start talking that way. Because, unfortunately, one thing that I see people excuse me battle over a lot. And, Mark, I'm sure you've seen this, too, that the family home now that's undoubtedly most people's biggest asset, but it can also be your biggest money pit, depending on the age of the home, depending on how well the home's been maintained.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: And unfortunately, here's something that I see sometimes where people argue and fight and get granted the home after spending hundreds of $1,000 to get a home and then find out they don't qualify for the mortgage like simple little things like that, and don't think that because your name is on the mortgage. Now
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Mardi Winder-Adams: you get to keep that mortgage you don't get to just typically assume it. You're going to have to reapply and requalify. So if you're only working part time, or if you don't have that same income that you did when you were a couple with 2 incomes, all of those things factor in. And so I think, not knowing your numbers first, st before you start negotiating is the biggest one of the biggest mistakes I see both men and women making.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I think that's an excellent point, and we don't think about those.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: If we don't reach out to someone like yourself myself and find out from a coach.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Well, this is what I want. It was mine. My family did this. My family has this here
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: great, but I thought you made a great example right there that okay. But now you got to requalify as a standalone.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And then how many times?
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And I think you touched on this a little bit earlier.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Does either painter, male, female, mother, father, man, woman, have
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: maybe spent more time taking care of the children, hasn't spent as much time in their career, furthering their education.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And then, when it comes to that divorce and they're back out on their own.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It's another struggle, right?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: It is, and just to throw this in there, too. A lot of financer or lenders now
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Mardi Winder-Adams: are very strict about even qualifying spousal support as an income, because the other person can just stop paying it. Spousal support is not a guarantee. I mean, you would hope the other person would honor that court order, and yes, you have recourse to going back. But but if the spousal support is just all of a sudden stops, or you know, Heaven forbid! And I mean this seriously
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Mardi Winder-Adams: spousal support stops if either one of you dies. So if the person paying spousal support, you know.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: for some unforeseen issue has some tragic accident or some health issue, and they're not able to work or they can't, or they or they pass away or or killed.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Unfortunately, that just stops. Now there are. There are things you can roll in like guaranteed life insurance policies and things to add that protection. But again, they're not things that your attorney may suggest. That's something maybe a financial planner might suggest.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Or I said, you know I always suggest it to my clients. What have you thought about? How are you going to guarantee that? But lenders? That's where I started with this lenders. Typically don't look at it just for that reason. And typically you can't use. Obviously, you can't use child support, because that is for the care of the children. You can't also apply that to a mortgage payment. So there's a lot of things that
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Mardi Winder-Adams: look clear and look obvious. But they're not. They're not as simple. When you actually get down to working with all these different groups.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I am. So appreciate what you're saying, because, as you mentioned.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: the child support is for the child the best interest of the child. That's where the money needs to be focused.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: But too many times, as I kind of joked about earlier, how we learn things and
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: we run it through a culture. We run it through our friends, Facebook, TV.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And somebody might say, Well, I just use my child support to pay my house payment.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Well, theoretically, okay. You receive the money. However, you receive it. You put it in a bank account and you pay. You write a check on that bank account, but that's still a an accumulation of money. That's as you're saying, it's not.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Oh, that's just my! That's my house payment that in theory you need to be putting that money to where it belongs. So there's a lot of myths that are out there. So
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: do you mind what are some other common myths about divorce?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: I think that one that I really like to work with my clients on is that you have to be an enemy. If you're going through a divorce, and I don't believe that I think that
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Mardi Winder-Adams: it takes it takes some work. It takes some practice, some mindfulness. I teach all my clients breathing techniques, mindfulness and meditation practices. And we review communication skills. So I also do work with my clients on disc and Myers-briggs and emotional intelligence so that they really feel that they can walk into a conversation that may have been problematic in the past
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Mardi Winder-Adams: and turn that around so that
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Mardi Winder-Adams: parents are focusing on their kids, and you're focusing on the best interests moving forward. I really believe if you have children, the goal should be to at least be able to become civil with each other, and the ultimate stretch goal would to be
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Mardi Winder-Adams: to be able to enjoy doing things, maybe together. For with your kids. And I I'm not saying you have to spend weekends or do everything together. But what I'm saying is like, think about it. If your kids are 3 when you divorce, wouldn't you both like to be at their high school graduation or their elementary school graduation? Wouldn't you like to be if they get, you know, if they do sports, wouldn't you like to be able to go to the same sport.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: sporting events, or dance class or piano recital and sit there, and be civil, and enjoy being present with each other, and honor and celebrate the achievements of your children. So I always keep to encourage my clients to think about that long term goal and start taking the smallest little step you feel comfortable taking to move towards that place of civility.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Kind of as the as the goal, but then a stretch goal of maybe even becoming better friends. And and it's amazing because
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Mardi Winder-Adams: I know clients that couldn't sit in the same room with each other.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: and now they do holidays together. I had a
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Mardi Winder-Adams: they could. They couldn't even be in the same building for mediation, because, like the yelling and screaming, got to the point where the mediator just said, I'm not doing it this way, and they went to Virtual so he could just put them on mute if they got too carried away. And they sent me a card this Christmas that they had gone to Hawaii. He had brought his new partner. She had brought her new partner and they had gone. They'd stayed in separate places and everything. But they'd gone to Hawaii together, and they did things as a big group with the kids.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Now, I'm not saying everybody's gonna get there. But wouldn't that be a nice? Isn't that a great goal to look for. Yeah.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I like what you're saying. That is a great goal, and we should all go there. It's it's a drive to
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: pull that back together, and
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: it challenges us in many ways. And maybe I'll just kind of challenge you back with a question, because, like you're saying, you're, this is something that we need to strive for.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: We need to work for that ability.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: But yet we also need to realize that we're divorced in the same mode that it's great that we can do things together.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: But if one member of the divorce and after the divorce birthdays, kids, birthdays.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: it might be good to have the birthdays together, and especially if it's not at one of their houses.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: If they're having an event somewhere, I think, like you were mentioning before going to a baseball game. They must be civil, that
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: there needs to be more work through
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: counselors, coaches, guardian at Lattems, the attorneys for the child
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: to stop some of the negativity that happens.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: But the point I'm making there, though, is when there's the event that one of the the mothers or the fathers, when the spouses homes.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: That's that's a bigger challenge. And I think the expectation
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: of one of the parents to think that
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: they must always be invited, you know, because I'm still their parent, I think, is taking it a little bit far. We want them to be
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: friends.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: We want them to be social.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: but by the same token, there's
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: there's breaking points. There's points we need to say. Yes, but we're still divorced. So what goes on here is what I do with the children, even if they're not in another relationship, even if it's still just them and their friends.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: What do you think about that, too, that they still have their own separate homes and separate lives.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Baseball fields, basketball fields, chess tournaments always joke about this, because some people don't like sports, but tournament. But whatever whatever it's going to when you're going somewhere to an event, absolutely. But then, do you also, what do you also think about? You still need to draw some lines sometimes, too, when you're having some event at one of the parties. Houses.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: No, the other person may not. It's not that they're not invited, but that's still a parental decision.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Right?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Yes, absolutely. I completely agree with you. And I like, I said, it's an aspirational goal, and it's not possible for some people. It's not. I deal with people who are in really high conflict divorces who are dealing with people who have
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Mardi Winder-Adams: diagnosed or undiagnosed personality, disorders that have problems with addictions that have problems with
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Mardi Winder-Adams: being honest, and maybe even problems with focusing on keeping the children safe and not providing, you know, bringing strange people around kids and things like that. So if you're dealing with those kind of partners, this certainly is not. You know, this is not realistic, and it shouldn't be something that you should feel pressured to do. So. I thank you for giving me a chance to clarify that.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: because it's it's not okay for most people. And I would say, as a matter of fact, if you're
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Mardi Winder-Adams: dealing with the situation where there's any kind of concerns about the safety of the kids, or there's any kind of concerns about. And when I say safety that you know emotional safety as well, that if you're.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Right.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: There's going to be a blow up between the 2 parents then. Yes, not inviting. The other parent should not feel your house is your domain. You should never feel obligated to have the other parent in there. If you don't think that it's going to be a good, healthy interaction for you for your kids, for your new partner, for your dogs. I don't care who's there.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Everyone involved, right?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Unhealthy then. Yes, I I don't think ever you should have you should feel pressured to do that, and unfortunately there are you know there are situations where people do feel pressured. But stand up, really stand up for yourself, and that's something. Also a coach can help you with is, how are you going to draw those lines? And then how are you going to enforce those boundaries.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Very good. I like the way you said that. How are you? Gonna draw the lines? Lines must be drawn, and then how can you politely
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: but with strength. Enforce that those lines are there, and we do have that opportunity
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: to be social and be friends at times, but also to have our own lives, because if we were still that close we wouldn't have got a divorce.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It just comes down to that bottom line. Was it? As I touch on that. These meetings always go so long. Go so quickly. There's so much I want to talk about. But we have about 15 min left
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: 5 to 10 before we get into our closure. But I want to know about your books. Do you have 2 books? I
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: from I do to I'm done.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and the other side of a divorce. Can can you touch on both of those just a little bit? What?
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Why'd you write those? What what brought those about, and a little bit about the book. If you don't mind.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Sure, Mark. Well, they're 2 very different books, so from I do. To I'm done is a Woman's guide to preparing for divorce. So it goes over a lot of stuff that we've talked about.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Who are the professionals you should hire? What are the roles of those different professionals? And so an evaluation of, Do I really need these people? Because we didn't even touch on some of the other professionals, you know, like a divorce mortgage lender, a realtor. You know, there's all these other people that might be involved. So it goes through that. Then it talks about some basic communication strategies.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: It talks about how to think about your kids, and how to talk to your children about the upcoming divorce. It even gives you some tips for preparing to have the conversation with your partner about the divorce, because I really think those early conversations
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Mardi Winder-Adams: set the tone for a lot of the the next steps that happen in the divorce. So if you're in the middle of a disagreement and you just yell out, that's it. I've had it. I want a divorce
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Mardi Winder-Adams: that's going to be received much
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Mardi Winder-Adams: more different, much differently, than if you sit down and have a conversation and say, I'm really feeling like this. Relationship isn't working for me.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: I'm seeing a lot of areas where you're not feeling that this is working for you. I'd like to talk about getting a divorce. That's a whole different approach to this right? So it goes through that we talk about. I talk about preparation for negotiation and mediation, some negotiation mediation. Some strategies talk about a little bit about how to get that financial stuff together. So it's it's really a guide for leading up to and getting prepared for
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Mardi Winder-Adams: going in to see an attorney and starting the divorce process. So that's that one.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: The other side of divorce breakups that lead to breakthroughs. Is it is a collaborative book. So there are 19 women myself and 18 other women. We each wrote a chapter and what it is, and it again, it's more specifically for women. But I think it would be interesting, maybe, for men, because I don't think men and women go through divorce that much differently, at least on the emotional side. What it does is it talks about
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Mardi Winder-Adams: each woman. Each woman tells her story
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Mardi Winder-Adams: of getting out of her divorce. And then how did she turn her life around
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Mardi Winder-Adams: to live in the place where she wants to live. For example, I went through my divorce, became a mediator, went on to become a divorce coach. There's, you know, different women who have one woman who just a fantastic story. She got out of a an emotionally abusive divorce was told. She would never amount to anything. Now, now does 5 languages, and does translation for the Supreme Court. So you know, there are these women that have
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Mardi Winder-Adams: made these amazing changes post divorce. So that book is really inspirational, I think, and each one of the chapters is written by a different woman, and they've got all their contact information in there, and a lot of them are coaches, but not all of them.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: One of the ladies left her marriage and became an international hotelier and actually opened her own hotel in Africa. And she is. So she's got an amazing story to tell. It's just really it's it's more of an inspirational story, and you can just read chapter by chapter.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: That is excellent. I haven't had a chance to read them yet. I'm gonna have to go out there and look at those, because I want to touch what on one of the things that you mentioned, because
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: you work mostly with women and I work mostly with men. I do work with both
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: the point you made about. We all go through the divorce in a lot of the same ways, and just don't realize it is so strong.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: because I know for
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: us guys, we we are raised as that macho. And hopefully, that's it is changing. It's improving a little bit. But there's still a lot of it there.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And we think. And I talk about this quite a bit about
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: how we feel. We have to be stronger and
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: talk with our deeper voices, and you'll be, you know we think that but a lot of our
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: ideas and concepts are the same, and when we think about it we may think a little bit differently.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: but the points are still the same, and that's where I come in with my achieving unity
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: by harnessing the power of things, such as encouraging, inspiring, and including each other.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: because that is many times seen as a weaker side. When you're encouraging someone else, or you're inspiring someone else you're including others, that sometimes the macho side of that
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: may seem a little bit weaker.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: But, as you're saying, when we can talk with each other, when we can communicate
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: without making decisions theoretically behind the scenes.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and then just coming to the other person with a decision. I've talked about several things here, but
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: that communication ability. And I think that book that second book you were talking about.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It seems it touches a little bit on that. Am I hearing that correctly?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. And and I think one of the things that I was interesting. I ran a small group where I invited both men and women going through divorce, because, you know, there's a lot of women's divorce support groups, and there's a lot of men's divorce support groups. And so I had a few people that said, Hey, I'd really like to. We only met like 5 or 6 times, but it was an opportunity, for just
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Mardi Winder-Adams: it was a small group. There was only 10 people in the room, and they and it was all done on Zoom, and nobody gave. You know, everybody could maintain whatever level of confidentiality that they wanted, whether they changed their name or didn't appear on camera or whatever they chose to do.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: But it was really interesting when the men would say.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: and and I'm being very stereotypical here. But there was men on there that, said
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Mardi Winder-Adams: I. Just I don't even know who to talk to, because, you know, all my buddies are saying, Oh, way to go now you can get back out there and find a what is it? They said they were always saying, Oh, you can trade in your 40 year old for 20 year old, and you know this is what their friends are telling them, and the men are saying I'm crushed inside. I didn't want this relationship to end, but I'm supposed to act like Oh, I think it's great that I
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Mardi Winder-Adams: go out in the dating world, and you know and then I and then the women were saying, Well, here I am, you know. Now I've gone through this divorce, and I'm I'm single parenting, and my my
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Mardi Winder-Adams: spouse is out there partying, and they don't get that. I'm staying at home with the kids, and both. You know, it was interesting when they were able to say, to hear each the other gender talking, or the other partnership talking about this and going.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Wow!
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Okay. Now I can see how that might be, how I may have misperceived what was going on. You know. And I think we have those
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Mardi Winder-Adams: judgments of what each other is doing in the relationship. And I think getting out there and talking about it.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: There's a lot more in common than we think. Yeah.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I am so with you on that, and it goes back again to that culture
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and our learnings, and what we hear from others, and always toss out Facebook and media the news because that does come
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: a lot. And a lot of people don't realize how hard it is to find another good person
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: out here in this world. It sounds good.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It's not easy to find that person that will talk, and sometimes
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: it's best to go together to a coach.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It's best to go together to understand, talk these things, but it's also good sometimes to just
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: one person goes alone
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and takes care of some of their issues that they may have had previously. That's impacting the next relationship.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: So that whole thing about trading in your 40 year old for doing 20. It sounds good.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I know who you are, and I've heard it before, but it's just. It's so true, because there's just
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: so much theory out there
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: that does not come true, because I think and hope I'm telling you about what you're saying
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: about even like men and women feel the same in divorces.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: We also feel the same thing about that new person and that new relationship and that ability to listen.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: So the other person.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: If you didn't listen last time.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: What makes you gonna what makes what's any of us? Male female mother, father, man, woman, what makes us feel we're gonna think or feel any better the next time.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And if you've had situations in the last relationship.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: what's gonna keep you from not carrying those same feelings toward the next relationship.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Yes, that is so important. And and I think you know, that's 1 thing we work on. I work on with my clients. Is is this a pattern? Have you seen this type of a relationship situation occur? Because you're right? If not, you just keep bringing that baggage forward, and your new partner has no idea what is going to be the trigger. And so I think you know, the the statistics are pretty clear. 1, st 1st marriages.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: the percentage of divorces is actually going down. It's about 42 ish percent right now. But second marriages are still hanging out in the 60% range for divorce, and 3rd marriages are up in the 70% range for divorcing. So the more times you marry, the more likely you are to divorce statistically and I think that's because
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Mardi Winder-Adams: people don't spend enough time really decompressing from the problems of the last relationship and then building themselves back up personally, getting comfortable feeling really good about who they are, and they, and then being able to make a good selection into the next marriage, they just tend to hop from relationship to relationship. And
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Mardi Winder-Adams: you just end up repeating the same pattern over and over.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: That is so true. And then, when you have children, and sometimes it's not the teenagers, it's not the college students, but when you have children that are 40 and above and 50, and
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: they're still dependent upon that parent for one reason or another, and they're not opening up themselves. And that's difficult in that
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: relationship, because that creates friction, because there's still that other dependency in the process right?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Right right and and the other thing, and I know it's almost the end of the time here. But I know one thing, one thing that I'm noticing is, people are just way more on edge. And I know I'm not going to say anything political. But things people are just more on edge about the world in general right now. And
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Mardi Winder-Adams: that's not here in the United States that's around the world, because I work with clients in different countries as well. And I think that's adding to a lot of the angst and the stress and the distress that people are experiencing. And that puts more pressure on relationships as well.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: It does. We have so much more to talk about, Marty, and hope we can continue our conversations, and maybe
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: June, July, maybe we can meet again and and do this again
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: enclosure. How can people get in contact with you and maybe help me out with one last question, who's your ideal client, and
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: then how can they get in touch with you?
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Mardi Winder-Adams: So my, I like to, if possible, start working with my clients as early as possible. So if people feel that they are in, if they're uncertain if they don't know what they're doing. If they're feeling overwhelmed with even the concept of divorce, reach out to me, we can do a call and hopefully get some clarity for you. The best way is probably to go to my website. It's Www. Dot divorcecoach for women, and that's the number 4.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: And even if you're a man, go there or you can go to my other, because that that also links to my other website. I don't want to give a bunch of websites here, but just click on the contact. Me button, and you can book a quick little session. We'll hop on and have a quick chat.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: And there's no charge there. Right? The 1st session just to chat. Why so why not? Why not give Marty a call? Yeah, talk a little bit.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Just get some ideas in that process. And I did show your screen with all of your links and you. It's so easy in touch with you. So if they just record, go back to the beginning
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and get those links, look at her books again. Take a chance to read those, and if you're going through a difficult time or a challenge in your relationship.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: open up, don't make decisions on the background.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Talk about everything upfront. Don't make decisions with other people, and then come back and say, Well, I'm just being respectful and telling you about this.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: No talk to them up front, and 1st
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: keep that communication always open and caring and being to the point where you can talk about it again.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Feel free, Marty, any closing comments.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: No, I just thank you, Mark, and thank you for all you do. I think you're messages
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Mardi Winder-Adams: so important, and the support you give people. It's just at at this time life and in this environment, it it's really needed. So thank you for all you do.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Marty, let's keep working together because I appreciate what you do. Thank you so much for those kind words. It's again as you mentioned, we have a lot of friends, a lot of people that we work with. We know that we're we're all friends together.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I think there's all of us working together as friends
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: and help each other and do the same things we're talking about. Let's keep that communication going. Let's work together and make tomorrow a better place one reality one step at a time.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Alrighty! Thank you again. Hope you enjoy it, everyone. Please come back next week. We're looking forward to seeing you again.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: I appreciate it.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Talk to you next week. Thank you all, Marty. Thanks again.
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Mardi Winder-Adams: Thank you. Mark.
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Mark Entrekin 303-362-8733: Cheers.
